Can’t Buy Me Love… or Freedom
Sunday, Oct. 8, 1:20 a.m. – Isla Vista Foot Patrol officers were dispatched to the 6500 block of El Colegio Road after receiving reports that an intoxicated woman was knocking on random doors at an apartment building.

When they arrived at the scene, an officer spoke to the director of the apartment building who said the 19-year-old subject had been disturbing the peace.

The woman had been running door-to-door through the apartment, talking loudly on her cell phone and asking residents for a place to pee or sleep.

A deputy contacted the subject and asked her where she lived. The woman replied that she lived in the Santa Rosa Residence Hall, then corrected herself, saying she lived at the Pi Beta Phi sorority house.

The officer noticed that the woman reeked of alcohol and could not maintain her balance, so he arrested her for public intoxication.

As the deputy placed the woman under arrest, she whispered, “If you un-arrest me, I will give you $10,000.”

Because bribery is frowned upon by the police force, the woman’s offer was rejected, and she was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was booked, pending sobriety.

Age-Blinded By Love
Saturday, Oct. 7, 12:15 a.m. – Deputies walking down the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive were alerted to a group of five people standing in a parking lot drinking beer.

The officers watched as a man, who was holding a can of Steel Reserve 211, hand the drink to a woman, who knocked the beer back.

A deputy approached the woman, removed her from the crowd, and began questioning her. The woman said she was 17, but later admitted that she was only 16. The officer issued her a minor in possession citation, and let her go.

The officer then turned his attention to the man and asked him how old he was. The man said he was 23 years old.

The deputy asked the man why he gave the woman alcohol, to which the man replied, “Because this is I.V.”

After the subject admitted that the woman did not look 21 years old, the officer asked him why he would provide her with alcohol outside, in front of patrolling deputies.

The man eloquently replied, “She asked me for a drink, and I was like, OK.”

When the officer informed the man that the woman was 16, he stupidly responded, “That’s bad.”

It got worse when the police officer cited the man for furnishing alcohol to a minor, which incurs a minimum fine of $250.

Who Got Pinocchio Drunk?
Saturday, Oct. 7, 12:34 a.m. – While patrolling at the corner of Camino del Sur and Trigo Road, Isla Vista Foot Patrol officers observed a woman walking northbound down the street.

The 20-year-old woman was staggering all over the road, unable to keep her balance, when she saw the group of deputies. She then turned around and stumbled back the way she came.

An officer stopped the woman and asked her if she was all right because she showed signs of intoxication, including the strong smell of a fruity alcohol.

The subject told the officer that she was “OK” and said she was just walking with her boyfriend. The deputy, who knew the woman was lying, said he had just witnessed the woman walking alone, and reminded her that lying to a peace officer is against the law.

The officer began collecting the woman’s information, and asked for her age. She told him she was 19 years old, but said her birthday was September 12, 1986, making her 20.

The deputy dutifully corrected the woman on her age as he arrested her for public intoxication.

The woman was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was booked, pending sobriety.

A Squared Plus B Squared Equals More Than Drunk
Saturday, Oct. 7, 12:21 a.m. – Officers were called to a university-affiliated housing complex on the 6500 block of El Colegio Road, where one of the building’s resident assistants was detaining a 20-year-old man for harassment.

The subject was allegedly yelling derogatory comments at a woman when the RA called 911.

A deputy attempted to question the subject, but the man was so incoherent he could only manage to call the officer “Dude,” repeatedly.

The man did not know where he was and denied the reports of harassment, but admitted to having “more than five beers but less than 10.” He also confessed to smoking marijuana for the first time.

Honest Abe said no more, and the deputy arrested him for public intoxication. The man was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was booked, pending sobriety.

– Compiled by Nikki Moore