Oh No He Di’int
Saturday, Sept. 23, 1:54 a.m. – Officers patrolling the 6500 block of Del Playa Drive stopped at a residence when they heard a man and woman arguing loudly behind a fence.

The deputies listened for several minutes and could clearly hear a female voice repeatedly ask a man to leave the house because “you don’t disrespect people in their own home.”

The woman asked the 21-year-old subject to leave several times, but he did not comply. Fearing for the woman’s safety, an officer detained the man and began questioning him.

The man was aggravated and began yelling that the officer was harassing him. The officer tried to ask the subject why he refused to leave the woman alone, but the man only responded by calling the officer a “douche bag” and saying he was not intoxicated.

The subject’s friends urged the man to behave, but he went on a rant, and said he wished the deputy would lose his job, and demanded his badge number.

The man was obviously wasted, and was placed under arrest for public intoxication. The man continually stated that he wished to have a Breathalyzer to prove that he was not intoxicated, and said that he knew his rights.

“The right to remain silent, the right to a trial and some other shit like that,” he said.

Dramatically, the man improved the Miranda Rights adding, “And the right not to be arrested by a douche bag like that,” as he gestured to deputy.

The man was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was booked, pending sobriety.

19 Going On… Seven?
Friday, Sept 15, 1:21 a.m. – Officers walking through the intersection of Camino del Sur and Del Playa Drive observed two men arguing on the side of the road.

An 18-year-old man was sitting on the curb, and an unknown man was standing in between his legs. The men were fighting about whether the seated subject had spit on someone.

The deputy contacted the men and noted the seated man displayed signs of intoxication including glassy eyes and a strong odor of alcohol.

The officer contacted the man to check his welfare.

The subject told the deputy that he did not know where he lived. He stated that he was 19 years old, then said he was 18.

In a possible attempt to confuse the officer, the man then said he was born on Sept. 19, 1999, making him seven years old.

The deputy decided the man was too intoxicated – and apparently too young – to care for his safety or the safety of others, and arrested him for public intoxication.

The man was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was booked, pending sobriety.

– Compiled by Nikki Moore