She Don’t Give a Fuck It’s not Her Birthday

Saturday, April 22, 1:27 a.m. – Officers on foot patrol at the intersection of Pardall Road and Camino Pescadero watched as a man supporting an 18-year-old woman walked past on the sidewalk.

The woman, who was wearing black pants and a gold blouse, stumbled on the sidewalk, and her companion failed to break her fall.

A deputy approached the woman to see if she was OK, and then began to inquire about her welfare. The officer asked the subject if she knew the man who was helping her home. The woman said she did, and told the officer the man’s name was Tom.

The woman’s companion said his name was not Tom, which cleared up any doubts that the officer had concerning her current state of sobriety.

The woman had scratches on her face and ankle, and she had a swollen lip, which she told officers she didn’t know she had.

The woman then admitted to the officers that she had had five shots of Bacardi. Considering that and the mysterious bruises, the officer was not surprised to learn that the woman had been partying that night.

The officer arrested the woman for public intoxication, and she was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was booked, pending sobriety.

Is Someone a “Widdle” Wost?

Saturday, April 22, 11:40 a.m. – Officers patrolling Embarcadero del Norte found a woman sitting on the grass swaying from side to side near the intersection at Segovia Road.

As the deputy approached the woman, he detected a strong odor of alcohol.

He asked the subject where she lived, and she pointed north for a few moments, and then decidedly pointed in the opposite direction.

During questioning, the woman tried to look at the officer, but could not manage to keep her head up, and it repeatedly fell forward.

The deputy asked the woman for her name, and in a slurred voice the woman replied, “widdle,” and told the officer she lived at “60.”

The woman said she had taken three shots, which had obviously knocked her on her ass – and onto the grass.

The officer arrested the woman for public intoxication. Because there was no patrol vehicle available, the officer had to walk the woman two blocks to the I.V. Foot Patrol office. On the way, he asked the woman several times if she knew where she was, but she could only say, “No, no.”

The woman was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was booked, pending sobriety.