My father and I share many pastimes: We like to get loaded, we like to argue and we like the cinema. Over Spring Break, we shared an important father-son bonding experience – getting kicked out of a zombie movie while theater hopping.

Just for the record, “The Hills Have Eyes” is one of the worst zombie movies ever made. The script is “Forrest Gump”-level dense. Every 20 seconds, some malformed twit jumps in front of the camera, followed by a 3,200-decibel thump. All the good-looking women die within the first 45 minutes, and all boobies stay in their respective blouses. Most importantly – and most unfortunately – the hero is a four-eyed Democrat. He’s not a soldier. He’s not an alpha male. He’s a cell phone salesman. Instead of performing heroic deeds, he whines about his in-laws while smoking cigarettes compulsively.

Sound like a wimp? Not quite. While Democrats seem gimpy and painsworthy at first glance, they really are fierce and indelicate creatures behind their fa