The human is becoming increasingly perplexed as to why teachers constantly refer to final written documents as “papers.” Sure, that is what you are turning in, “paper.” But can’t you just turn in 8-10 blank pages of “paper?”

Thursday’s forecast: The ‘human outdoes its counterparts by spending 59 cents and handing in a 200 page “paper,” fresh with the “Staples” wrapping around it, too. Since, the ‘human is dubbed the smartest motherfucker at UCSB, solidifying its bid for Associated Students’ President.