Eight Tequila, Nine Tequila, 10 Tequila, Jail
Thursday, March 3, 12:00 a.m. – Officers arrived at Super Cucas restaurant after they received a report that two men were harassing employees and customers at the restaurant.

When the deputies arrived the suspects were gone. On the walk back to the Isla Vista Foot Patrol station, however, an officer saw a 19-year-old man who matched the description of one of the subjects.

The deputy approached the man and noticed that his eyes were bloodshot and his speech was extremely slurred.

The officer asked the man if he had been drinking, and the man said, “Yes.” He then pointed to his body and said, “Can’t you tell?”

The deputy asked the subject how much he had had to drink, but the man said, “Dude, I lost count.” He again pointed to his body and said, “Can’t you tell?”

The man, who had trouble keeping balance, admitted to the officers that he was 19 years old, and said he agreed with officers that he shouldn’t be drinking.

The man was arrested for public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was booked, pending sobriety.

Not Tonight, I Have a Headache
Thursday, March 2, 1:39 a.m. – Officers patrolling the 6600 block of El Colegio Road found a 19-year-old woman lying on the sidewalk.

The unconscious woman’s pants were unzipped, and her butt was wet.

When the deputy tried to move the woman, she said, “Stop it, Trevor.”

The officer tried again to wake the subject, but she replied, “Stop fucking me.”

The officer helped the woman off the sidewalk, but she couldn’t keep her balance. The report stated that she didn’t know where she was or what was going on.

The woman was arrested for public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was booked, pending sobriety.

While in jail, the kinky woman asked the officers if she could kiss them, and repeatedly referred to one deputy as Dan Rather.

No Autographs Tonight
Saturday, March 4, 1:24 a.m. – Officers patrolling Camino Pescadero observed a 21-year-old woman standing on Sabado Tarde Road holding an open can of Bud Light.

When a deputy approached the woman, she was unsteady on her feet and swayed from side to side in an attempt to maintain her balance.

For the woman’s safety, the officer sat her on the curb and attempted to talk to her.

The subject admitted she was inebriated, but insisted that it was OK that she was drunk “because I’m 21.”

The woman did not have any form of identification with her, so the officer asked her to write her name and birthday on a pad of paper.

The woman took the pen, but did not manage to write anything intelligible.

She handed the pad back to the deputy and said, “I’m not writing anything until my friends arrive.”

The woman told officers she had had three Rum and Cokes to drink. She said she was going to San Ynez Apartments, and when she stood up, toppled over and nearly hit her head on the curb.

The woman was cited for an open container violation and arrested for public intoxication. She was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was booked, pending sobriety.

Are You Mad at Me?
Sunday, March 4, 11:32 p.m. – Deputies investigating a report of loud noises at a residence on the 6500 block of Sabado Tarde Road reached the home to find a man pounding on the door.

The man was leaning against the door to keep his balance, and repeatedly yelled for his girlfriend to answer him.

The officer approached the man and noticed that he smelled strongly of alcohol. The man’s love cries were extremely slurred and he was sobbing.

The man told the deputy he was sad because his girlfriend wouldn’t open the door.

The subject said he banged on the door for 30 minutes but she refused to answer.

In an attempt to subdue the man’s unrequited passion, the man was arrested for public intoxication.

Romeo was transported to the Isla Vista Foot Patrol station, and upon arrival, he began crying.

The man said he didn’t understand what he did wrong, or why he was in trouble, which may well have been the same problem he had with his girlfriend.

The man was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was booked, pending sobriety.

If You Can Make It Here, You Can Make It Anywhere
Sunday, March 5, 1:54 a.m. – An officer walking down the 6500 block of Del Playa Drive observed a 20-year-old man standing between two parked cars.

The man could not stand upright, and was swaying in a circular motion, using the parked cars for support.

The deputy began to approach the man, who stumbled to the middle of the road and began walking away.

The officer yelled at man twice and asked the subject if he was OK, but the man was oblivious of the officer and didn’t acknowledge her.

The deputy stepped in front of the man, who nearly ran into her. When he realized she was there, he stumbled backward and tripped over his feet.

The deputy grabbed the man to prevent him from falling over, and asked him where he was going.

The man said he was walking home, but when the officer asked the subject where he lived, he replied that he lived in New York.

The man was very disoriented and had trouble answering the officer’s questions. After some time, she managed to determine that the man was not planning to walk to New York, but rather to the couch at his friend’s house on DP.

Because the man was unsure of where he was and did not know how to find his friend’s residence, the officer decided to place him under arrest.

After he was taken into custody, the subject became angry and said the only reason he was being arrested was because he was from New York.

True to form, the man then began yelling profanities at the officers as he was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was booked, pending sobriety.
– Compiled by Nikki Moore