A recent study shows that Mormons – living in Utah – outweigh non-morms in Utah by an average of 4.6 pounds and have a 14 percent higher chance of obesity. The ‘human is only saying what the BYU prof is afraid to: Have more sex, damnit. That shit gets you in shape.

Wednesday’s forecast: The Nexus sex columnist travels back in time to meet Joseph Smith. The entire United States Olympic team is now comprised of Mormons and America wins every gold medal in Torino. Hell yeah, Latter Day Saints!