Editor, Daily Nexus,
When I came to this institution two years ago, I was immersed in all that was UCSB – the nightlife down on DP, the lazy afternoons spent at the beach and the most beautiful women in the world. I hear the library is nice too, though I’ve never been.
Now, I am a transfer student from Orange County. That means two things: I am getting to the end of my tenure here at UCSB and I had a lot of time on my hands to travel to all the UC’s in this great state during community college. I’ve watched in awe as 10,000 students screamed the Cal fight song, and I’ve gazed in horror to the antics of a giant banana slug on the courts of Santa Cruz. I even hear that some grade school kids in the local area will choose UC Merced’s mascot. If you’re reading this kids, two words: Chuck Norris.
Even if UC Merced decided that roundhouse kicks to the face are good ways to defeat an opposing team mascot, they wont be kicking anything here at UCSB. Why may you ask? Well my fellow students, if you have been attending events at the Thunderdome, you’d know that our beloved mascot is missing. The skinny, jean shorts wearing Fantom of the Dome has taken a leave of absence. Seeing as how even the rowdy Gaucho Locos don’t have a location on the whereabouts of a certain ghost, I feel it the duty of an outgoing student to make this plea.
Do not let the Fantom fade from existence. Fantom, if you can read this, your school sorely needs your spirit. However, if you have truly gone on to the other side, then I call on the spirits to send us a new Fantom. One re-envisioned with the spirits and values that embody UCSB. We need a person who is stealthy enough to evade IVFP on a Friday night, courageous enough to jump into the Lagoon on a weekly basis, and witty enough to punish any team foolish enough to step into the Dome with original heckles and tomfoolery. So what is it going to be Fantom? Do I need to give John Edwards a call, or are you going to step up the plate? The choice is yours. It’s all of yours.