Editor, Daily Nexus,

I would just like to inform you that masturbating, to most girls, is definitely better than sex. Many girls can’t even get an orgasm without some sort of, well, “toy” to help. And since this is the case, why the hell wouldn’t girls masturbate? Here’s a news flash about girls and masturbation: Whatever girls you talked to were lying! Yes, they were definitely lying. I live in a house of six fairly open girls that masturbate frequently. I know this because we not only talk about it, but it’s kind of hard to not know when you have a roommate that will suddenly kick you out of the room for no reason. Here are a few stories for you: Let me start off by telling you how many batteries we went through last year. As a Christmas present to the house, a friend of ours gave us a Costco-sized box of AA batteries. My roommate from last year even stole the batteries out of the remote once in a desperate attempt to get some immediate action. We have even thrown sex toy parties. If you are unfamiliar with this idea, it’s like a Tupperware party that moms have, only you get a bunch of your friends to come over, a sex toy representative comes to your house, shows off a bunch of “products” and afterwards you order them. My old housemate Lorelei used to lock her roommate out on a daily basis – to the point that her roommate wasn’t even fazed anymore. And don’t think all this is because we are lonely girls that cannot get laid. Oh, let me assure you that this is definitely not the case. In fact, those of us who masturbate the most are the ones that have boyfriends. So, as interesting as your article was, I just thought that it was important to let you know that there actually is one flaw in your article. There are plenty of girls out there who do masturbate – you were just severely misinformed.