They’re Fussy at That Age
Saturday, Nov. 13, 1:30 a.m. – Officers responding to reports of a fight on the 6600 block of Abrego Road arrived at the scene and contacted a 22-year-old man who had been involved in the scuffle.

One of the deputies recognized the man, who had soiled pants and mucus dripping from his nose, as the same snotty subject he had observed falling down in front of the apartment complex just 30 minutes before.

At that point, two other men, claiming they were the man’s brothers, said their smashed sibling had had too much to drink, and they were going inside to put him to bed.

The sibling rival apparently decided it was not bedtime, and started throwing a tantrum and calling people on the street mean names.

It took two officers to arrest the man and wrestle him into a patrol car, which took him to the Isla Vista Foot Patrol office for a talking to. Before the man was taken to jail, he threw another fit and repeatedly kicked the door, refusing to stop when asked.

The big baby was charged with public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was placed on timeout, pending sobriety.

Putting the “Pee” in Pita
Friday, Nov. 11, 1:30 a.m. – Officers patrolling the 900 block of Embarcadero Del Mar walked past the Pita Pit, where they found a 21-year-old man urinating on the back wall of the establishment.

The deputy waited until the Pita Pisser had finished relieving himself, and contacted the subject as he stumbled across the parking lot.

The officer stopped the man and asked him what he was doing, but the subject only mumbled and grunted incoherently. The officer asked the man his name, but again received only grunts.

The deputy asked the man how he ended up in the parking lot of the Pita Pit, and the man managed to indicate to the officer that he wanted something to eat.

The officer asked the man how much alcohol he had had to drink, and the man replied, “Four hours.”

The subject had a difficult time standing on his own, and the officer had to catch him to prevent him from falling to the pavement.

The man was arrested for public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Next Time, Let the Cop Win
Saturday, Nov. 12, 11:49 p.m. – Deputies patrolling the 6600 block of Trigo Road observed a 20-year-old man standing in a driveway preparing to urinate on a vehicle.

When the man, who was swaying from side to side, made eye contact with one of the officers, he attempted to relocate to the rear of the building.

The deputy and the man had an intense staring contest, and neither could look away as the man retreated.

With their eyes still locked, the officer started walking toward man, who finally stopped. The deputy asked the subject where he was going, and the man said he lived on the 6600 block of Trigo Road.

The officer asked man if he knew anyone at the current address, which was half a block from his home. The subject – whose breath smelled strongly of alcohol – said no, and was placed under arrest.

The man was charged with public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.

I Would Walk 100 Miles
Sunday, Nov. 13, 12:02 a.m. – Officers patrolling El Embarcadero came upon a 21-year-old man lying in the bushes along El Nido Road.

The man had collapsed in the shrubbery and was semi-conscious when the officers found him.

When contacted, the man stumbled to his feet and tried to flee from the officers. However, he immediately crashed into a nearby fence, bouncing onto the ground.

The man said he believed he was in “Santa Barbara City,” and claimed he was trying to walk home to San Luis Obispo.

Officer decided that the man, who could barely walk without support, would not be able to make the 100-mile trek that night. Since he had no one to care for him or even a place to stay, the police decided it would be in the man’s best interest to place him under arrest.

The man was arrested for public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.