I was sitting on my couch the other day while channel surfing and I stumbled upon Sesame Street. Being the lazy guy that I am, I continued to watch it for a little bit because changing the channel just seemed way to strenuous. After a while I started to think about how I used to watch this all the time when I was like 10. Wait, I mean when I was like three … yeah three.

Anyways, I was looking at all these puppets and I remembered how I had one who was my absolute favorite. No, I am not talking about that little red guy that would have had so much fun at Neverland Ranch. I am talking about the biggest pimp of the puppet world – The Count. Man that guy was the shit. You could learn so much from that guy, like how to, well, count. I only watched the show because of that guy and I thought one day he would off Big Bird. But anyways, here I am sitting on my couch, doing nothing but watching television thinking about the Count. I started to think about what he would do in my situation. So I deducted that he would probably do something with numbers. So, then it became how should I use this awesome skill that I learned from a guy who gives wicked hickeys.

Then it hit me… how much free time am I wasting sitting in front of the TV? So I started my trip down mathematical lane. Being that I am a nice guy, I will do the work for everyone and break everything down so it relates to almost everyone. There are 168 hours in a week. For a UCSB student to graduate in four years, one must average 15 units a quarter. Since one unit is equal to three hours of work in and out of class, that comes to 45 hours a week dedicated to academics. Wow, I bet a lot of you are with me when I say bullshit, but anyways.

It is recommended that college-age students sleep about eight hours a night. This comes to 56 hours a week for sleep.

We are also told to eat a healthy three meals a day, and since when I eat I sometimes like to take my time, I will say one hour a meal would suffice. So that is three hours a day, 21 hours a week for eating. So those are the essential things in a college person’s life right?

This means that an average student has 46 hours of free time. Forty-six freaking hours. That is so many hours to drink… I mean, be productive. Even if someone were working part-time, they would still have around 26 hours of free time. So what is one to do with this free time? Well, some of us like to do the whole workout thing. Some of us use the extra time to sleep. And then there are the select few at this campus who choose to imbibe adult beverages for hours on end. What do I do, you may ask, other than sit on my ass and watch very mind-stimulating shows? Why I like to go and enjoy a sporting event from time to time.

Whether it is women’s volleyball and watching hot-ass women move so eloquently in tight spandex, or going to see the men’s soccer team take on anyone near or far. Think about it for a second. Going to a sporting event is perfect. One can party before going, proceed to be inebriated while at a game, cheer on fellow Gauchos, make fun of those that don’t go to this school we all love so much, then, two-or-three hours later, I am back at my apartment, showered, and ready to party some more.

I urge all of you to try my technique, and who knows, you might just fall in love with it. So, when you are sitting at your computer, rounding off your third hour going through theFacebook, and it is going on 7 p.m., see if there is a sporting event you can attend. Hell, you get in free with your access card because you already pay to go in your tuition. But if you decide that sporting events aren’t your thing, or that you would rather sleep, just make sure you don’t say you can’t go because you don’t have enough time. If you do, then I am sure the Count might just come and bitch slap you. He’s a feisty little puppet.

Mike Lipka is a fourth-year psychology major.