Huzzah, it’s A.S. election season! I can now officially launch my campaign for A.S. president. What do I have that the other candidates lack, you ask? The more important issue is what I don’t have: signs. Every spring, our campus is polluted with A.S. campaign signs, most of which are quickly soaked by rain and sprinklers until they’re just like the candidates themselves – all wet. As the weatherhuman, I welcome hail, lightning strikes and excessive dew. My imaginary signs are invincible – and far less annoying.

Tuesday’s forecast: Plagues of termites are OK, too. Encouraged even.