Editor, Daily Nexus,
I was recently chatting with a friend about how cartoons these days are so different from back when we were kids. Both of us reached the conclusion that new television cartoons really do suck. Apparently, some A-hole therapist decided that violence in cartoons is somehow a bad thing and resolved to pacify the shit out of new cartoons. Take SpongeDick SquarePants (or some shit like that), for example. I just cannot grasp the concept of a sponge and some retarded sea creatures galloping around ass-humping each other. Give me my violence. I want my cartoon characters to have guns. Or lasers. Or arrows. Or guns that shoot laser-tipped arrows.
The point is that when cartoon characters were able to maim, shoot, stab and drop anvils on each other, life as a kid was so much more enjoyable. I wholly attribute the influx of Ritalin-dependent children to the growing level of suckiness of new cartoons and the decreasing level of cartoon violence. Another thing I’ve noticed is that the vast majority of new cartoons involve characters that resemble humans. While perusing www.CartoonNetwork.com, I noticed that nearly three out of four of the listed cartoons were based on humanlike characters, and a majority of the remaining ones were remakes of old nonhuman cartoons. Also, these new human-based cartoons generally follow the same theme: The main character is some snot-nosed teenager who, each episode, learns some great moral life lesson about growing up. Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t cartoons supposed to be an escape from the harsh realities of daily adolescent life? My point here could be that cartoons have been slowly pacified, humanized and matured so much that it is no wonder kids are beginning to take on problems similar to adults. Or, like most of my mindless bantering, there could be no real point.