Hey kids! Be sure to check today’s opinion pages for the personal ads disguised as columns or letters to the editor. Aren’t they so romantic?
Monday’s forecast: Newsprint is love.
I Hate Valentine’s Day, so Date Me
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Aries
March 21 - April 19
Ride through the bike path without crashing
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Find a seat at the red couches on the second floor of the library
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
Sunrise and sunset dip on the same day
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Find parking on Del Playa Drive
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Drunk for 24 hours
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Bagel crawl
Libra
September 23 - October 22
First pick at an Arbor muffin in the morning
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
Participate in a mosh pit at a band show
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Finally talk to their class crush
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
Get an earlier pass time than their friends in GOLD
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Graduate
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Successfully walk through I.V. without seeing an old hookup
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