I hate pennies. They’re like the quick-breeding, out-of-control bunnies of the monetary world. Back in 2001, one courageous congressman, Jim Kolbe (R-Ariz.), introduced legislation calling for its elimination, but nothing ever came of it. Alas.

I think the problem is that Abe Lincoln is on the penny, and everyone likes him. But if he was so great, why is he on such a crappy piece of currency?

Monday’s forecast: Solution: Replace the penny with the $2 billion Abraham Lincoln glow-in-the-dark anti-cancer coin, and we can all be happy.