Those darn Republicans are at it again. For the past several years under the Bush tenure, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) has been cracking down on the television and radio programs that it believes degrade the moral integrity of American society in order to protect the impressionable youth. Among the most well-known offenders of FCC policies include the despicable Howard Stern and the Janet Jackson Super Bowl “mishap.”

Advocates for the destruction of morality across the country are “shocked and appalled” by the censorship by arguing that a government commission should not be forcing morality down the throats of the First Amendment-bound American citizens. They’re right: it is downright shocking and appalling. The rest of us will keep that in mind the next time the Left shockingly and appallingly argues for subsidized abortions, welfare and unemployment benefits and government support for known illegal immigrants. None of these issues are Constitutionally mandated; they’re handouts derived from the moral inclinations of the Left. It’s quite, yes, that’s right: shocking and appalling.

In his own defense, Howard Stern compared himself to Oprah. He says the FCC is playing favorites because he was fined for his on-air discussion of oral sex while Oprah Winfrey’s program on the psychology of teens doing the naughty deed got off fine-free. Furthermore, he argued that he “isn’t trying to make everything blatantly sexual.” In the spirit of academia, I paid a visit to his website to research his show topics and found:

Dec. 27: Savanna Samson of Porn All-Stars

Dec. 25: Santa’s “Little Helpers”

Dec. 24: Spank Fest Favorites

Dec. 23: Porn All-Stars

Dec. 22: Sexy Celebrities

Nope, nothing blatantly sexual about any of that. I’m sure there is nothing sexual behind his film “Private Parts” and the fact that his book Miss America begins with the line “I’m such a sex machine I could take a piece of wood and turn it into something erotic” doesn’t mean anything overtly sexual, either.

At least Bill Clinton had the decency to keep it in his pants while the cameras were rolling.

The most intriguing issue of this whole situation, however, is not that the exhibitionist sex addicts and profane perverts known as the American media know how to spell FCC. In their Hillary-esque conspiracy claims, the only reason Michael Powell, chairman of the FCC, is enforcing all these moral regulations is because his father, Secretary of State Colin Powell, has strong ties to President Bush. This does more than suggest that the admirable Colin Powell actually likes Bush, something Democrats have been denying for the last four years. The most important implication of all this is that when the fist of the moral law strikes, liberals automatically blame Republican activism. This simply reinforces the fact that even Democrats know the Republican Party is the keeper of moral values.

As we embark upon another new year and potential 2008 presidential candidates try to impress the public, let us not be shocked or appalled by a certain New York senator when she attempts to falsely lead us to believe that she, herself, possesses the moral integrity we as Americans hold to and support.

Patrick Callahan junior political science major.