Cosmopolitan. Sex on the Beach. Tequila Sunrise. I don’t know about you, but images of bar-hopping, slinky-dress-wearing temptresses and tan Hawaiian Tropics models sunning on the sands of Cancun fill my mind when I hear the names of popular cocktails roll off the tip of a fellow drinker’s tongue. Can you say the same for Budweiser? I just think fat man with a plumber’s crack sitting in front of the TV watching Monday Night Football with a bowl of greasy popcorn resting on his belly.

Minor factors like taste, cost and convenience are always bested by the element of sex. Who would you rather screw – a strawberry daiquiri-toting honey twiddling a cherry stem between her lips or a beer-guzzling mama chanting “Chug! Chug!” with a bunch of sweaty frat guys? Same goes for the fellas – give me a guy in a hot button-down shirt holding a martini, James Bond-style over a stumbling drunko and his Keystone Light any day.

If variety is the spice of life, then mixed drinks are the alcohol drinker’s fiesta. With thousands of drink recipes just waiting to be found, made and consumed – and more and more being created by the wannabe bartenders within us every day – one can never get bored when there are Screaming Orgasms to be had and Slippery Nipples to be tasted. And even when you’re not feeling at your snazziest, classiest best, the world of mixed drinks leaves a slew of low-key alternatives to the trendy cocktail at your fingertips – after all, nothing says “down-to-earth” like a good, old-fashioned screwdriver or standby rum and coke.

So dive right in, pick your poison and let the good times roll – you’ll enjoy a killer buzz and look fabulous doing it.

Daily Nexus opinion editor Meghan Palma likes her cocktails the way she likes her men – good and stiff.