Editor, Daily Nexus,

Like a shell-shocked Vietnam veteran, I can still feel the crippling blows dealt to my faith in humanity whenever I opened the Wednesday issues of the Nexus last year. Each time I assured myself I’d be able to slog through the wasteland that was the Wednesday Hump, and each time I wound up beaten into submission by my own throes of disgust. Imagine my happiness after reading Dave Franzese’s column presenting a viable alternative to the near-random Isla Vistan mating habits.

Now, imagine my crushing disappointment when the letters demanding a return to the old ways started rolling in. In my humble opinion, Franzese is the best Wednesday Humper yet, and his material is certainly a vast improvement upon the dreck that’s gone before. Rather than begging for more nauseatingly detailed lessons in harlotry such as those spewed forth from the barren minds of last year’s Christina Huff or Kate Rice – ironically, judging by the mileage they’ve obviously clocked, two women one would want to avoid having sex with – why not take the words of the incumbent to heart? When he says casual sex is worthless, he’s not making it up.