Two Kinds of Leaks

Friday, Oct. 1, 11:52 p.m. – Officers patrolling Del Playa Drive observed an 18-year-old man standing on the sidewalk, urinating onto a bush.

As they approached the man, he began to walk away at a “very fast pace,” stumbling as he went. One of the deputies caught up with the man and grabbed him by the arm, then ordered him to sit on the curb.

The man repeatedly asked police what he had done wrong, but when they attempted to explain the situation, he seemed disoriented and appeared to have difficulty understanding. Officers noted that the man smelled strongly of alcohol, his speech was slurred and that his eyes were watery and bloodshot.

As the man waited on the curb, one deputy noted that a puddle had begun to form on the ground where the man was sitting.

Realizing that they had just witnessed the man emptying his bladder only minutes earlier, the officers deduced that the liquid was probably not urine.

Upon further investigation, they found that the mystery puddle produced a strongly alcoholic odor. The officers searched the man and discovered that the leak had originated from a water bottle filled with vodka concealed in his sweatshirt pocket.

Police cited the man for public urination, minor in possession of alcohol, possession of an open container of alcohol and public intoxication – the fourth charge landing him a ride to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed pending sobriety.

Doesn’t Vomit and Tell

Saturday, Oct. 2, 2:06 a.m. – While traveling northbound on Camino del Sur in a marked police sedan, officers observed a red four-door car turn onto Sueno Road without coming to a complete stop at the intersection.

The officers instructed the car to pull over, and noted that it took the driver some time to comply. When the vehicle finally came to a stop, blocking a driveway on the 6600 block of Sueno, a deputy approached the driver’s side and immediately noticed a strong odor of alcohol coming from inside the car.

The officer ordered the driver, a 22-year-old man, to step out of the car. The man was unsteady as he walked and also smelled like alcohol. When the officer asked if the man knew why he had been pulled over, he replied, “Yeah, because I ran the stop sign.”

Satisfied with this answer, the officer asked if the man had had anything to drink that night. He replied that he had not.

The man explained that he had alcohol on his breath because he had been “kissing lots of girls, who had been drinking this evening.”

The officer said he did not believe the self-proclaimed ladies’ man, who then repeated that he had been “kissing a lot of women.”

To this, the deputy replied that the man “would have to have ingested all their vomit” to become as intoxicated as he appeared.

The man then admitted to drinking “a couple” of beers.

Based on the signs of inebriation exhibited by the man, the officer administered three different field sobriety tests. The man failed all three resoundingly.

After registering a 0.14 on a Breathalyzer test, nearly double the legal limit, the man was booked for driving under the influence and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail.

You Kiss Your Mother with That Mouth?

Saturday, Oct. 2, 11:59 p.m. – Deputies patrolling the 6500 block of Del Playa Drive observed a 19-year-old woman lying on the driveway of a house.

The officers contacted the woman and asked her what she was doing down there on the ground.

In response, she slurred, “I was on Del Playa, looking for my house.”

Officers quickly made the connection between the woman’s horizontal position and the heavy odor of alcohol on her breath, and decided that she was unable to care for her own safety. As they moved to take her into custody for being publicly intoxicated, the woman became agitated.

The report stated that she was “quite vocal in her vulgarity,” and used the word “fuck” to describe the officers, her situation and passers-by.

One in the Oven, But the Oven’s Off

Sunday, Oct. 3, 12:14 a.m. – Officers patrolling Embarcadero del Norte observed a 20-year-old woman staggering northbound along the sidewalk, bumping into other pedestrians and nearly falling down.

When the officers contacted her, she immediately stated, “I’m looking for my boy.”

One deputy asked the woman where she was headed, to which she replied, “I’m not from here, I’m a recruit for the baseball team.”

Not familiar with this destination, the officer repeated the question.

This time, the woman said, “I’m taking care of a recruit, and I don’t know where they are.”

Taking note of the strong smell of alcohol about the woman, her bloodshot eyes and slurred speech, the officer asked her how much she had had to drink. She said she had only consumed three beers.

Since the woman had said she was from out of town, the officer asked where she would be staying while in the area.

She then began to cry, and said, “My coach is going to kill me if he finds out.”

Due to the woman’s inability to answer a single question about her surroundings, police decided to take her into custody.

While in custody, the woman continued to ask deputies to listen to her, but when they informed her they were listening, all she could say was, “Will you listen to me?”

When an officer asked if there was anything else the woman wanted to tell him, she informed him that she was five months pregnant.

However, the woman apparently forgot she was wearing a tank top showing her midriff, and the officer pointed out that she was obviously not five months pregnant.

She then said she was only four months pregnant, and the officer asked her how it was that she did not know how far along her pregnancy was.

She replied, “I know, I’m fourteen and a half months pregnant.”

The officer elected to end the conversation at this point. Later, the woman said she was a UCSB student and lives in I.V.

When a deputy asked why she had lied earlier, the woman asked, “Will you just listen to me, I want to talk to someone I know.”

The deputy asked her who she knew that she could talk to, but the woman said she wanted to know why he wouldn’t listen to her.

The woman offered one last cry of desperation: “My baby has a baseball coach that she needs to call him!”

Apparently, no one was listening to her, because she was transported to Santa Barbara County Jail where she was housed pending sobriety.

I’ve Got My Rights, Just Ask My Mom

Thursday, Sept. 30, 1:55 a.m. – Officers patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive in a marked patrol car observed a 21-year-old man standing in the middle of the street and screaming.

When deputies contacted the man, he said he had just been in a fight, but refused to give a description of the other combatant or cooperate with an investigation.

Another woman approached an officer and said she had seen the man soliciting sexual favors from girls, and that he had fought with one of their boyfriends.

An unidentified companion offered to help get the man – who appeared highly intoxicated – home safely, so the officers sent the pair on their way.

Just five minutes later at about 2:00 a.m., officers observed the man staggering alone between cars in a driveway on the 6700 block of DP.

For the second time that night, one of the deputies contacted the man, at which point he approached within 18 inches of the officer’s face and said, “You can’t talk to me, my mom is a district attorney.”
The officer proceeded to talk to him in spite of this, telling the man in no uncertain terms to back away.

At this point, the man screamed, “You can’t arrest me for being drunk!”

As the deputy moved to arrest the man for public intoxication, he attempted to resist being handcuffed.

The officer spun him against the wall and secured the handcuffs, but the man began to scream and struggle, and another deputy had to assist in transporting the man to the squad car.

Once they reached the police vehicle, the man slammed his head against the side of the car. Officers then took the man to the ground and secured his legs when he began kicking violently.

The man refused to follow simple instructions during the booking process, and claimed that he had broken his thumb a week prior and would sue the police for injury.

Officers summoned Rescue 7 to provide the man medical attention, but when they arrived he refused treatment and demanded to be taken to jail. Since policy requires that any injury claims be investigated, police transported the man to Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital instead.
The man was diagnosed with a sprained finger, released, and transported to Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed pending sobriety.