Editor, Daily Nexus,
In early June, after the cliff dwellers of Del Playa have migrated to their summer feeding and roosting grounds, a strange phenomenon occurs. A short walk on the beaches of Isla Vista reveals a multitude of (as yet) unidentified species, beached and decaying. From a distance, one such creature may appear like a large sea lion, bloated and disfigured in decomposition. However, upon closer scientific inspection, one may observe a thin leathery skin torn to expose a layer of soft fluff. No bones will be apparent. Instead, bars of hard silvery material can be seen protruding from the white fluff. The other organism present during this mysterious mass die-off is also observed throughout the year. It is distinguished by a thin frame and two round appendages that may still spin if the carcass is fresh.
Awareness of this annual phenomenon is of great biological and social concern. It poses a threat to the daily beach walker or runner population. Individuals may not only leave in search of a more visually appealing habitat but are at risk of injury by sharp carcasses hidden just below the sands. Therefore, when the highly educated and respectable community of Del Playa cliff dwellers return in early fall, take notice. Advise them to develop a more mature respect for their beachside habitat and alter juvenile behavior that is the likely cause of this inexplicable phenomenon of early June.