Jack-o’-Hot Line
The pumpkins reign tonight. I tell ya, those toothy fuckers will wait to bite you on the ass as you stumble drunkenly home from another famous Isla Vista Halloween – with the teeth you carved with your fat cousin Penny. Think it’s a joke? You just wait.

Drink of the Week

Glass of Water
– 1 cup water
Pour into a glass full of ice. Drink it.

Yeah, it’s not alcoholic. But we don’t need to remind you to booze it up this week. Take care of yourself, kiddo.

Bad Costume Ideas

– Telephone
– Poison gas cloud
– Angela from “Who’s the Boss?”
– Sexy baby
– Dead baby
– Pile of shit
– Sober
– Vengeful grocery striker
– Lou Ferrigno
– Sleestaks from “Land of the Lost”
– Painting with moving eyeballs
– Aphid
– CSO officer
– Person who hits people
– Bowl of oranges
– Free speech
– Daily Nexus Assistant County Editor Daniel Haier
– “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” guy
– Tossed salad
– Aunt Rachel of “Family Matters”
– Sexy Aunt Rachel
– Dead Aunt Rachel

Monkey Election Results

So only one person voted in the Great Simian Showdown. Her name, God bless her heart, is Katherine Casabon, and she voted for Marcel of “Friends,” edging him over rivals like Mojo Jojo and Donkey Kong, who received no votes. Thanks for playing, Katherine. You and Marcel have triumphed for both simians and democracy.

Think You’re Hot Shit, Eh?
If you’ve got Hot Line-worthy verbage, spook it on over to us at opinion@dailynexus.com.