“Halloween in Isla Vista: The Party Is Over.”

This is the subject line of the anti-fun e-mail that Richard Jenkins at the Office of Student Life sent out to students at UCSB, schools across California and schools nearby in Arizona and Nevada.

Obviously Jenkins didn’t consider the tens of thousands of revelers, all the alcohol and copious partying expected this weekend when he made this statement.

First: Take this letter and wipe your ass with it. It’ll probably be more useful that way. Obscene use of capitalization and exclamation points as well as thuggish bullying and thinly-veiled threats are no way to treat the student body.

“Letter of concern” is an awfully kind way to put it, but it doesn’t change the facts. Unnecessary parental and landlord notification is the equivalent of blackmail.

The presence of Logan Green’s name – Associated Students external vice president for local affairs – on this letter is particularly disturbing. His job is to work with the county and the university to make certain that students’ rights in Isla Vista are not abused, not to express support for abusive county ordinances and overzealous university meddling in the private affairs of students.

Some extension of the university’s jurisdiction into I.V. is understandable. UCSB’s reputation hinges on I.V. as well as the campus. Fine: Send a letter, save some face. But we’re not children, and the university should not be our hectoring mother.

As for the problems with out-of-towners, we have the solution: Charge them admission. Fix the budget with the proceeds. Don’t ignore the knocks of thousands of opportunities. Issue them revenue-inducing citations.

Most of the Halloween ordinances are designed to keep people safe – but not all of the ordinances. Vandalism, fights and rape – nobody wants these, but the Outdoor Festival Ordinance, which shuts down music exclusively in I.V. at 6 p.m., is uncalled-for and oppressive. It is an outdated ordinance from the hell of Halloweens past and must be amended.

It’s a simple, if large, celebration we’re after now. Celebrations often entail music. It makes people happy. Flood lights and hordes of police make people nervous and agitated. Give Halloween back to the community. It may be grateful.

Since there was a mysterious lack of practical advice in the university’s letter, here’s a bit from your friendly student newspaper: Be careful. Keep an eye on your friends. And if you hear a siren, remember that it could be a fire truck or ambulance helping you or your friends out.