Excerpted from the ‘human’s e-mail account, Oct. 21: From: XXX XXXXXXXX of the Alcohol and Other Drug Program: “I was hoping for more insights into the drugs and alcohol scene at UCSB/IV….What would be an effective way to communicate and dialogue with peeps re:gettin high in I.V.?”

You can start by not placing the word “peeps” and the “re:” abbreviation right next to each other. But nothing says hip like dropping the “g” from “getting.” Thanks for the e-mail, but your job is to convince people to avoid drugs and alcohol, and I have no idea how to help you with that.

Friday’s forecast: Re: other e-mails. I have no cure for the common cold. And I haven’t seen Bin Laden.