What’s more newsworthy: Jerry “Half Man, Half Bean Hill” Krause retiring because of a perpetually growing waistline or University of Kansas Head Coach Roy Williams using a four-letter word in a post-game interview?

The truth is, you shouldn’t care, but then I’d end up yapping about my day soaking up the boiling sun on Santa Barbara’s beach – and that’s not too painfully interesting. Except maybe to irk Chicago Cubs’ ticket holders, where the opener at Wrigley Field got snowed out. Ha!

If you haven’t heard the big news by now, let me spill the metaphorical beans out on your lap. Chicago Bulls General Manager Jerry Krause resigned Monday. (Woo-hoo!)

He took most of the credit for putting the most successful modern-day sports franchise together, yet he never drafted Michael Jordan, never played a minute on the basketball court and never said no to a hot dog with relish and mustard. But then again, I couldn’t pass on that either.

For the other can of beans… CBS sideline reporter Bonnie Bernstein had the misfortune of interviewing Williams after his Jayhawks lost by three points to Syracuse in the NCAA men’s basketball national championship game on Monday.

When Bernstein asked Williams – twice – about the job opening at his alma mater at North Carolina, he responded like a man who just lost a championship game by three measly points.

“I could give a shit about North Carolina,” Williams said on national television. Back to Greg Gumbel, Clark Kellogg and Michigan State skipper Tom Izzo in the studio: a split-second of awkward silence and gaping mouths. Priceless.

Maybe Michael Jordan should return to Chapel Hill as a head coach – only if Dean Smith comes in for a last hurrah first.

Rumors are flittering out of Chicago that maybe Jordan will be the next in line for the GM slot for the Bulls. Jordan would be an atrocious choice. Just look what he did for the Washington Wizards.

Signing Tyronn Lue and then making him a starting point guard is the equivalent to drafting Mighty Mouse and putting him in the same lineup with MJ. Cartoon characters should stick to the pine. Jerry Stackhouse? Kwame Brown? Christian Laettner? Larry Hughes? The Wizards are more suspect than a raw steak dinner party for Goldilocks at the Three Bears’ cottage.

Jordan is trying to lead his 36-41 Wiz Kids to the playoffs. At press time, Washington stands a 1.5 games out of the eighth and final playoff slot behind the Milwaukee Bucks. The Wizards look about as ready for the playoffs as Stanley Roberts looks fit for a comeback to the NBA.

Looks like Jordan and the Wizards are S.O.L. Just ask Williams what the first word stands for.

– Eliav Appelbaum is the Daily Nexus sports editor. He had plenty of fun on his 21st birthday. Just don’t ask how his head feels this morning.