Leafy green tulips to the county for leaving the ficus on Pardall alone. Tulips as well to the tree people who shacked up with mother nature in protest.

Itchy, blood-soaked turds to mosquitoes; may your larvae never spawn. Turds to UCSB as well for waiting until our flesh looked like raw hamburger before dealing with the pests.

Disobedient tulips to the protesters downtown every weekend. It’s nice to see people still recognize the big turd in Washington for what he is.

Sleazy turds to the folks taking advantage of the Saturday protests to further their own agenda. Somehow, camping rights and legalized ferrets just aren’t as important as war.

Preemptive tulips to UCSB for refilling the reflecting pool. It’s dry now, but when Spring Insight rolls around, this place will look pretty for all the prospective cash cows.

Messy turds to the conference participants that left Storke Plaza looking like a seagull’s wet dream. Next time you visit our campus, we hope you bring your mothers.

Unstoppable tulips to the men’s basketball team for beating Long Beach State and positioning themselves for a Big West Championship.

Sleazy turds to the Dept. of Intercollegiate Athletics for its cheap tuition gimmick. We’ve known pyramid schemes with more charm and grace.

Tulips to Campus Point for finally putting out an issue this year – with a color cover no less. Finally, someone’s taking on the Gaucho Free Press.

Slow, agonizingly painful turds to waiting in line behind people mailing their FAFSAs at the post office.

Bright warm tulips to the weather at the beginning and end of this quarter. We just hope this isn’t a sign for a wet, cold spring.

A final turd, to, well, finals. We know there is no way around these infernal guardians of Spring Break, but they suck just the same.