No Love for the SBFP

Sunday, Feb. 2, 12:59 a.m.: Isla Vista Foot Patrol officers on the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive were not surprised when they observed a 19-year-old man stumbling down the street.

As he was walking past a fire truck, the man suddenly regained his motor skills, jumped up and kicked the taillight of the truck. The officers decided to confront Kung Fu Kevin while the target of malice was still an inanimate object.

While being arrested for public intoxication, Kung Fu Kevin told the officers he did not know where he was or where he was going to stay. He also could not remember how much he had to drink that night.

No fire trucks were harmed in the compilation of this report.

Beckon the IVFP Straitjacket

Sunday, Feb, 2, 1:25 a.m.: IVFP officers responded to a report of a fight on the 6500 block of DP. Although they couldn’t find the fight, they did see a 22-year-old man staggering down Camino Pescadero whom they recognized from an incident earlier that night.

When the officers initially contacted Staggerin’ Stan, they informed him that if they saw him “out and about” by himself again he would be arrested for public intoxication. When they saw him for the second time, Stan was out and definitely about.

At the IVFP station, Stan became uncooperative and would not answer any questions. He started kicking the wall in the interview room. When told to stop, Stan banged his head on the wall.

Staggerin’ Stan yelled that the officer was harassing him because he was Mexican. He would not sit still in the interview room. For safety purposes, police removed all the chairs from the room.

Stan also complained of a burning sensation in his knees.

At the county jail, Staggerin’ Stan again became uncooperative and was placed in a safety cell for his own protection. Stan began hitting the padded door of the cell with his fist and later complained of a broken wrist.

A Little Low on Stealth

Sunday, Feb. 2, 1:33 a.m.: IVFP officers were dispatched to the 6500 block of DP to a report of a possible burglary in progress.

Upon arrival at the residence, the officers saw two 20-year-old men, one matching the description of the burglar given by the resident.

Bobby the Burglar had a bloody shirt wrapped around his hand. When asked how he cut his hand, Bobby mumbled something incoherently and let his buddy do the rest of the talking.

Bobby’s buddy said a girl on DP had been giving them attitude and would not let them inside her house. Bobby was angered by this rejection and hit the windows of the house, which is how he cut his hand.

This dynamic duo admitted they were both drunk and claimed they were on the 2400 block of Sabado Tarde Road looking for a party. They must have had a difficult time, considering Sabado Tarde does not have a 2400 block.

The duo said they were from out of town and staying in I.V. for the weekend, although they could not recall where exactly they were staying. They told the officers that they thought they might just be able to stay on Sabado. The county jail, however, proved to be slightly more hospitable.

-Compiled by Kristina Ackermann from the files of the IVFP