The Del Playa Boogaloo

Saturday, Jan. 18, 12:50 a.m.: Isla Vista Foot Patrol officers patrolling the 6500 block of Del Playa Drive observed a 20-year-old man attempting to walk in the roadway. A friend of the suspect was unsuccessful at aiding him, as officers observed the suspect walk sideways into a parked car. Since the electric slide is not the most popular dance form on DP, the officers correctly assumed the suspect was intoxicated.

When the officer asked Sir Shufflestep where he was headed, he provided the address “6519 Embarcadero.” To the knowledge of the officers, this address does not exist, at least in I.V.

When asked for his driver’s license, Shufflestep quickly whipped out his student I.D. The officer pointed to the driver’s license displayed in the window of the suspect’s wallet, so Shufflestep flipped the license over and showed the officer his Visa card.

Visa, it’s everywhere you want to be, unless you want to be in jail.

Upon arrival at the IVFP station, Shufflestep proceeded to recall a high school prank four times. He was shocked each time the officers informed him that they already knew the story of when he put a wild fish in the school swimming pool.

Civil Disobedience for Dummies

Saturday, Jan. 18, 1:07 a.m.: Officers on the 6600 block of DP saw a 19-year-old man throw a plastic cup in the street. The officer approached the cup thrower and politely asked him to pick it up, as he could receive a citation for littering. The thrower said the cup was cracked and he would throw it away. The officers then directed him to a dumpster and proceeded on their way.

Determined to get arrested, the thrower decided to provoke the officers into further confrontation.

As the officers were walking away, they heard a plastic cup hit the ground. They turned around and saw the thrower standing in the middle of the street with a plastic cup at his feet and his hands in his pockets attempting to look smug. When the officers approached him again, they determined that the cup thrower was intoxicated.

After providing a fake name and date of birth, the thrower was arrested for public intoxication. The officers asked why he didn’t just throw the cup away, to which the thrower replied, “I knew I was already screwed, I was going to jail anyway.”

The current sentence for throwing a cup in the street is 10 years minimum.

The In-Crowd

Sunday, Jan. 19, 12:44 a.m.: Officers patrolling the 6600 block of DP saw a 19-year-old man walk out from behind a dumpster holding a paint marker. As he was walking toward the officers, he appeared surprised to see them. Since there was no hopscotch court in sight, the officers assumed the paint marker was not used for benevolent purposes.

When the officers approached the suspect, he made a futile attempt to get away and proceeded to resist until he was handcuffed. Officers walked around the side of the enclosure and saw the word “touch” written on a sign in fresh yellow paint.

At the IVFP station the officers asked Tom the Tagger why he chose to vandalize a sign on a dumpster. He said a girl holding a video camera told him to write “Touch Feelings” on the sign. He described the girl as very pretty and wearing a black tank top with a white and green knee-length skirt. At the time, however, officers did not see a girl videotaping the scene or even matching that description.

Tom the Tagger said he didn’t think he would get in trouble for writing on the sign because he thought everyone does it. Tom said he wanted to fit in with the community and tagging the sign would allow him to do things the community does.

His next mission should be to do a kegstand on the railing of an oceanside balcony.

– Compiled by Kristina Ackermann from the files of the Isla Vista Foot Patrol