Dash Takes a Bad Trip

Thursday, Oct. 31, 8:00 a.m.: Isla Vista Foot Patrol officers were dispatched to Francisco Torres in response to a reported subject possibly under the influence of narcotics who was causing a disturbance. The 19-year-old man apparently kissed a custodian and was wandering around the perimeter of FT.

When officers contacted the Phantom Kisser, he was uncooperative and possessed Herculean strength. The officers grabbed him and repeatedly told him to lie on the ground, but he would not comply. The officers tackled the Phantom Kisser and had to use their whole weight to hold him down until backup arrived. Even with two officers lying on top of him, the Kisser still managed to get to his hands and knees. Officers noticed the suspect’s muscles were extremely tense, as if he was flexing. During the struggle to detain the Kisser, officers used a baton to strike his left forearm, which had little to no affect on his struggle.

When backup units arrived, the Phantom Kisser was placed in a Velcro immobilization device and transported to Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital for a medical examination. En route, the Kisser managed to spit all over the caged area of the squad car. He also demonstrated his lyrical talents by rapping for the officers and talking about many random subjects.

At the hospital, MC Kiss-A-Lot was acting too erratically to be medically evaluated, but doctors said he appeared to be mentally unstable rather than under the influence of drugs. Officers noted that he was frothing at the mouth and his muscles were still rigid, but he showed no signs of drug use. Officers later questioned Kiss-A-Lot’s neighbors at FT, who said he frequently uses ‘shrooms’ and smokes marijuana. They also said he had gone to a concert in Los Angeles the previous weekend and had not been acting normal since then.

MC Kiss-A-Lot was arrested after his medical evaluation. Because he refused to provide any information regarding his identity, he was booked into SB County Jail as “Dash Doe” until his mom called to provide positive identification.

A Whole Lotta’ Ass Kicking

Thursday, Oct. 31, 9:59 p.m.: IVFP officers patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive were approached by a subject complaining about a “crazy guy” wearing a FUBU shirt and trying to fight others on DP. Several people complained about the same person.

The officers found 22-year- old Mr. Crazy trying to assist a car down DP. Because it was Halloween, the street was extremely crowded, and the driver was having a hard time driving. Crazy was yelling and threatening pedestrians, attempting to get them out of the way of the car. He told officers his friend wanted to go downtown and he was “pissed” because people weren’t moving out of the way.

Officers told him to stop yelling, cursing and intimidating people. Crazy acknowledged this request and walked back to the car, where he immediately began yelling at a man in the street. Officers again contacted Crazy and asked if he remembered what they had just told him, to which he said, “I know.”

The officers then handcuffed Crazy, which elicited a cheer from the crowd of onlookers. Crazy cursed at the officers and said he was “not drunk.” Officers explained he was being arrested for trying to start a fight. He said if he was trying to start a fight he would have “kicked their asses by now.” He then said he would kick the officer’s ass as well.

An Innocent Prank Gone Wrong

Friday, Nov. 8, 3:35 p.m.: Officers responded to reports of a kidnapping in progress on the 900 block of Embarcadero del Mar. Witnesses said a 22-year-old male resident was beaten up by five or six college-aged men and thrown into a black Jeep Wrangler. The man yelled, “Call the cops” several times and attempted to kick out the back window of the Jeep.

Officers were able to contact the kidnapped man’s girlfriend, who said his friends were playing a birthday prank on him. However, UCSB records show the kidnapped man’s birthday is February 2.

The kidnapped man later arrived at the IVFP station. He said it was not his birthday, but his friends played the prank to celebrate his recent acceptance into law school.

So, Do You?

Saturday, Nov. 16, 2:06 a.m.: Officers at Camino Pescadero and Del Playa Drive noticed a 25-year-old man trying to stand in the street. He stumbled and almost fell over into a parked car. Officers observed the man asking random guys walking by if they “sucked dick.” Mr. Curious also threatened to hit another group of guys.

Curious was arrested for public intoxication and transported to SB County Jail. Once in jail, he repeatedly told the arresting officer that if he got time alone with him he would kick his ass. This did not make his night in jail any more pleasant.

– Compiled by Drew Mackie from Isla Vista Foot Patrol reports