Daddy’s Little Girl

Saturday, Nov. 2, 12:18 a.m.: While standing in the driveway of a residence on the 6700 block of Del Playa Drive monitoring pedestrian traffic, an Isla Vista Foot Patrol officer noticed a 19-year-old woman walk out of the nearby apartment complex holding a ceramic coffee mug.

After contemplating whether or not the young woman was indeed enjoying a hot cup of java in the public roadway on DP at midnight, the officer went on a hunch and approached her. When she saw the officer walking towards her, she turned and ran into the apartment complex.

The officer chased her and caught her by the arm as she tried to enter an apartment in the rear of the building. As the officer took the mug away from the girl, she began to wiggle hysterically, perhaps because she is very ticklish, but more likely in an attempt to ditch the officer.

When the officer asked the woman what was in the mug, she said it was pineapple juice and vodka. When the officer asked the woman why she ran away from him, she said she simply wanted to return her cell phone to her friend and it had nothing to do with the officer following her.

The officer told the woman he felt she was being untruthful. She then stated that her father is a pastor and he would be very angry with her if he caught her doing anything she wasn’t supposed to.

Unfortunately, the officer was not a believer and took the woman aside for further questioning. She then provided false identification to the officer. The officer issued the woman a citation for being a minor in possession and providing false information to a peace officer. While filling out the booking paperwork, the woman admitted that she ran because she was fearful of what her parents would do if she was caught drinking.

Nevermind your parents, sweetheart. Two lies, consumption of alcohol and probably a scandalous outfit and you have God to answer to.

Mistaken Identity

Saturday, Nov. 2, 2:35 a.m.: As officers patrolled the 6600 block of DP, they noticed a 19-year-old female hanging on the shoulder of a male subject.

The woman’s eyes, probably due to fatigue, were partially closed and she appeared to be having trouble balancing. The officer contacted the woman to check on her welfare. They separated her from the young man and asked her if she knew the man.

Thinking the officer was her boyfriend from back home, the woman replied, “What are you talking about? I was not holding onto anybody.” The officer then asked the girl how much she had to drink. Thinking the officer was then her father, she told him that she had not drank any alcohol the entire evening.

While the office continued to talk to her, the woman desperately struggled to put on her denim jacket. Once it was on, the officer looked up and noticed the jacket on upside down; the girl was unaware of her error. One can only hope she wasn’t wearing thong underwear as well.

The woman then felt like dancing and began to sway from side to side. The officer asked her again how much alcohol she had to drink that evening, to which she replied two shots.

Of what, heroin?

When the officer asked the woman if she felt the effects of alcohol, she responded with, “I am going home.”

The officer liked her so much that he decided to take her with him and place her under arrest for public intoxication. She then began crying hysterically and the officer couldn’t understand anything else she said.

Helen Keller on Halloween Weekend

Saturday, Nov. 2, 12:35 a.m.: Officers patrolling the 6600 block of DP noticed an 18-year-old male leaning up against a parked car in a parking lot. His head was facing down and his eyes were closed.

The officer, who also noticed that there wasn’t a sign in the parking lot that said ‘rest stop,’ tapped the man on the shoulder but received no response. When the officer then squeezed the man’s shoulder, the man lifted his head up. When the officer asked him if he was okay, the man did not respond.

Not noticing that the man was obviously a deaf mute, the officer asked him what his name was. Apparently by reading the officer’s lips, the man told him his name. His speech was slurred and incoherent.

When the officer asked him if he knew where he was, he again did not respond. When the officer asked him if he had any friends with him, he looked around the parking lot and said, “San Diego.” He must have read the officers lips incorrectly that time. The officer then asked the man to stand without the support of the car.

He let go and fell, perhaps due to a problem with his knees. He was arrested for public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he found support from the bars he was stuck behind.

Lucky Number Three

Saturday, Nov. 2, 10:10 p.m.: Officers patrolling the 6500 block of DP noticed an 18-year-old male walking unsteadily while clutching a nearby woman to maintain his balance.

The officers approached the cuddly couple and asked the man where he was going. Not being able to distinguish one beach community from another, he replied, “Del Mar.” When the officer asked him how much he had to drink, he said he had three beers.

When the officers asked him how long he had known the girl at his side, he said, “Three days.” However, when the officers asked the man what the girl’s name was, he said he did not know. Apparently the last three days had meant nothing to the young man, so he was arrested for public intoxication and taken to the Santa Barbara County Jail where perhaps he will have some more meaningful relationships.

– Compiled by Jennifer B. Siverts from the Isla Vista Foot Patrol reports