The Sweet Smell of Justice

On Friday, Oct. 11 at 11:50 p.m., Isla Vista Foot Patrol officers patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive observed a group of men attempting to tip over a Port-O-Potty that had been placed in the driveway of a Del Playa residence for construction. The group was rocking the Port-O-Potty back and forth, and had it tipped halfway over by the time officers approached them. As soon as the subjects saw the officers, they fled in different directions. The most dedicated of the lot stayed behind to finish the job.

The 21-year-old man continued rocking the mobile bathroom unit until he successfully tipped it over, spilling the contents on the ground and all over his pants. When the officers told him to get on the ground, the suspect cooperated. Officers noticed the subject had difficulty maintaining his balance, and he admitted to having five beers and one shot of Jack Daniel’s. When asked why he tipped the Port-O-Potty, the suspect said he “got caught up in the crowd.” Here’s to mob stupidity.

The suspect was arrested for public intoxication and taken to Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed pending sobriety.

For the Thousandth Time, It’s Down the Hall to the Left

On Saturday, Oct. 12, IVFP deputies received a report that a woman was passed out on the sidewalk in front of I.V. Market on the 900 block of Embarcadero Del Mar. Upon arrival at I.V. Market, officers observed a highly flexible 19-year-old man bent over with his hands on his knees. The 22-year-old female suspect was passed out on his back. As the woman dismounted the man’s back, she almost fell to the ground. The man told officers that they were from Newbury Park and they drove to I.V. to “party.” The couple were too drunk to locate their car and said they were going to call a taxi to get home.

The female suspect was not responsive to the officer’s questions and kept swaying from side to side to maintain her balance. When the officer asked the woman her name, she said, “Home, I want to… home.” At this point, officers arrested Miss Home for public intoxication.

After the woman was arrested, the male suspect became agitated and demanded that he be arrested also. Officers were more than happy to oblige.

Upon arrival at the Foot Patrol station, Miss Home became belligerent and verbally abusive. She informed her arresting officer that he was “worthless ” and had “a small dick.” She also said, “I am 22 fucking years old and I can fucking get drunk anytime I want to.” She then told officers that she had to use the restroom. Officers said she would have to wait a few minutes until a female officer could escort her.

Approximately two minutes later, an officer peeked in to the interview room to check on the suspect and found her squatting on the floor with her pants and underwear around her ankles. Yes, she was urinating on the floor of the interview room.

Both suspects were transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail. Upon arrival they asked if they were at the Ventura County Jail.

So That’s What They Put in the “Secret Sauce”

On Friday, Oct. 11 at 10:39 a.m., IVFP officers responded to a report that someone was spitting in customers’ food at Burger King on the 900 block of Embarcadero Del Mar.

Officers contacted the 40-year-old male suspect outside of Burger King, standing next to a red bicycle. The two officers had to hold the suspect up because he could not maintain his balance. The suspect had bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, and a very attractive wet stain around his groin area.

The man told officers he was homeless and not from the area. His bike was stored at the IVFP office for safekeeping. The suspect was arrested for public intoxication and transported to the county jail where he was housed pending sobriety.

OK, Tell Us What You Do Know

On Saturday, Oct. 12 at 12:24 a.m., officers on the corner of Camino Del Sur and Del Playa Drive observed a 19-year-old man step off the curb and stumble into the street. While attempting to regain his balance, he fell into a parked vehicle. Officers then watched as he tried to walk between two parked cars into the yard of a private residence.

When officers contacted the suspect, he was using the two cars to prop himself up. Officers then began to question the man. They asked him where he was headed, where his friends were, where he was staying for the night and where he was at that moment. The suspect said, “I don’t know” to every question.

The man was arrested for public intoxication and housed at the county jail until he could figure out what the hell was going on.

-Compiled from Isla Vista Foot Patrol reports by Kristina Ackermann