Is That a Phone in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Saturday, Sept. 21, 1:58 a.m.: An Isla Vista Foot Patrol (IVFP) officer on the 1000 block of El Embarcadero observed a 19-year-old man lying in the gutter talking on a cell phone. While on the phone, the suspect – who was in gutter water and had drool down his shirt – was loudly slurring his speech.

When the officer contacted him, the suspect stood up and tried to put his phone in the front pocket of his pants. He missed the pocket twice and nearly fell over in his attempt. The officer eventually had to get personal and put the man’s phone in his pocket for him.

The suspect then provided the officer with a fake name and false identification. He was arrested and transported to Santa Barbara County Jail.

Need a Safety Pin?

Friday, Sept. 20, 10:06 p.m.: IVFP officers patrolling the 6500 block of Sabado Tarde Road observed a 19-year-old woman staggering down the street, making no attempt to avoid oncoming traffic. When officers contacted the suspect, she admitted to having drunk four and a half beers and was on her way to Del Playa Drive to drink more.

As she was being questioned by the officers, the suspect’s tank top kept falling down. A free striptease, however, was not enough to keep her out of trouble.

The suspect was arrested for public intoxication and transported to Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was housed pending sobriety.


Saturday, Sept. 21, 1:10 a.m: IVFP officers on the corner of Camino Pescadero and DP observed a 20-year-old man stumbling in the roadway in front of a Del Playa residence. The suspect bent down and placed a hand on the ground to support himself. He then stood up and threw an object at the residence.

The officers approached the suspect and grabbed his jacket as he tried to flee. The suspect tried to slip off his jacket in order to ease his escape. During the struggle, both deputies tripped on the curb, lost their balance and fell. This caused the suspect to lose his balance and fall against a parked car.

Upon detaining the suspect, officers determined he had been drinking, but was not intoxicated. What a relief!

At Least She Took the Bus

Friday, Sept. 20, 2:24 a.m: IVFP officers on the 6500 block of Pardall Road observed a 21-year-old woman exiting Bill’s Bus. The suspect stumbled as she got off the bus and stumbled again while stepping onto the curb.

Officers contacted the woman, who was escorted by an unknown man who identified himself as the suspect’s boyfriend. The officers separated the two and questioned them individually. Neither one could provide the other’s name.

The officers then began to question the female suspect as to her whereabouts during the course of the night. In heavily slurred speech, she told officers she had been to Trigo Road and Pardall. She then told the officers she had not been downtown that night. When officers asked why she had gotten off Bill’s Bus, the suspect said she wasn’t getting off the bus but getting on it.

The suspect was arrested for public intoxication and transported to Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was housed pending sobriety.

It Sure Beats Motel 6

Saturday, Sept. 21, 10:54 p.m.: IVFP officers on the corner of Del Playa and Camino Pescadero observed a 19-year-old woman being carried by two of her friends. As the group approached two officers issuing a citation, one of the suspect’s friends (and master of the obvious) said, “There’s the cops. You need to walk right.”

Officers then contacted the suspect, who was unable to maintain an upright position or answer simple questions. When asked where she would stay for the night, she said, “I’m sure we can find someone who will let us stay at their house.” The County Jail was probably not what she had in mind.

The suspect was arrested for public intoxication and housed pending sobriety.

If at First You Don’t Succeed, Try, Try Again

Saturday, Sept. 21, 11:59 p.m.: IVFP officers on the 6600 block of Del Playa observed a 21-year-old man standing on the public side of a fence holding a large glass of beer. When officers approached him, he said he “couldn’t believe” he was being stopped for drinking a beer.

The suspect informed officers that he had received a citation the previous night for “the exact same thing.” The suspect said he had been standing in the same place and couldn’t believe he was getting another ticket.

The suspect said he was standing on “his own property,” but provided the address to a different location. When asked why he referred to the property as “his,” he said it “doesn’t fucking matter.”

He then continued on a verbal rampage and repeatedly disobeyed the instructions of the officer. A group of the suspect’s friends kept yelling at him to cooperate. The suspect finally grabbed his copy of the citation violently and skated away.

Mystery Gin

Friday, Sept. 20, 10:05 p.m: IVFP officers patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa observed an 18-year-old woman staggering around in a circle in the middle of the street. She was trying to walk east down DP, but kept dragging her feet and had to be supported by a male friend of hers.

When the officers approached the suspect, she spoke with a slur. She would not stop talking and repeatedly used profanity toward the officers. She told the officers she had “too much for her body.”

The suspect reportedly did not have identification on her, and when officers searched her purse for ID, they found a water bottle half full of liquid. Officers smelled the liquid and confirmed it was gin. The suspect said the liquor was not hers and that someone had put it in her purse without her knowing.

The woman was arrested for public intoxication and transported to Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was housed pending sobriety.

You’re Not the Only One Who Thinks It’s Funny

Sunday, Sept. 22, 11:04 p.m.: Officers on the corner of Camino Pescadero and Del Playa observed a female suspect staggering down the street. She flicked a lit cigarette into the street, and the momentum of this action almost caused her to fall over.

When contacted by officers, she said she did not know where she was going and admitted to having had two drinks.

After being taken into custody, the suspect said, “I’m not going to argue this; you caught me. I just think it’s funny that I got caught for this on my very first night here.”

The suspect was arrested for public intoxication and transported to Santa Barbara County Jail.

– Compiled by Kristina Ackermann