The Death of Our Humanity Maureen Conroy / Daily Nexus Necessary for Our Survival
It’s the white lies that get you.

Not the white man’s lies – that’s a list of lies far too long for this little space. It’s the other white lies, the ones you think are morally forgivable.

While most agree that spouting off total untruths does more harm than good, there is a general belief that the baby lies, with their proportional insignificance, are not only harmless, but necessary in order to get through tough spots throughout the day.

But, when you get caught in your harmless little white lie, the “You’re the best I’ve ever had,” and the “I’m too sick to make it to work today” cattle-brand you as a liar with just as much of a flesh burn as that big mama lie you were trying to avoid. The lie-receiver feels betrayed that you couldn’t even be honest about the little things. “I thought we were closer than that,” is a common white-lie realization response.

Your simple fib also never stays simple for very long. Like most good lies, they never come alone. White lies rely on other white lies for survival and this aggregate will unavoidably get you into a bigger mess.

There are those who don’t even have to think about lying. The white lies roll off their tongue with ease and little fear of the consequences. I am not one of those people but I’ve been told by those who are more skilled at the lying craft that the key to successful lies is consistency and memory. Remember your lies and stick with them. Make sure you have alibis to confirm your statements.

But is a little white lie really worth all that effort? Save your brain space and tell the truth. Then everyone will say, “God you are a callous bitch.” And you can say, “Well, at least I’m not a LIAR!!!!”

The philosopher Jean Baudrillard argued once that nothing is real anymore. Fake images fill the world and whatever was real is now staring up with glassy eyes at worms and lily roots.

Baudrillard was also French.

Nevertheless, he was on to something. Cheaters and liars populate the earth, weaseling their way out of class, work and anything that requires even an ounce of responsibility.

Humans are slothful creatures. If gazelles or wombats were as lazy as us, they’d have vanished from the face of the earth eons ago, the victims of well-motivated lions and dingoes.

The only thing that’s kept man from winding up in the belly of a saber-toothed tiger or voracious hippo is our cleverness. We may lack the speed to outrun a hungry predator, but we sure as hell can think rings around them.

Since the advent of fire and rifles, we no longer need to fear natural predation. Instead, we must use our inherent ability to tell lies as a way to avoid unnecessary stress.

Spinning a yarn here and there is a way of preserving our sanity and emotional stability.

Otherwise we’d drown in a sea of work and responsibility.

Some might argue telling lies only causes more problems. This is obviously the battle cry of people who couldn’t fib their way out of a statistics class.

Only bad lies cause stress, and people only tell bad lies when they refuse to practice the fine art of hoodwinking.

When you lie, keep it simple and ambiguous. This leaves you plenty of weasel-room in case someone catches you. Some smart wording and another good lie will set you free.

So go out and deceive. Our species depends on it.