Trigo, It’s That Road You’re Standing On

Saturday, May 18, 1:35 a.m.: Isla Vista Foot Patrol officers patrolling the 6800 block of Trigo Road approached a 19-year-old woman who said she was on her way to Trigo and that she just had to “go right up the street, and then down the street and go around the corner.”

The officers arrested her for public intoxication and asked for her name and birthdate. She told the officers that her birthdate was “none of your business.”

Back at the Foot Patrol station, she stood up from her seat and announced that she was not read her “Mirandalesses,” which, if true, would be an “infligement on her constinootional bites.”

She then started walking towards the front door and tried to leave the station. The officers stopped her and put her in the interview room where she kicked garbage cans and chairs around. The officers heard her yell, “So I’m drunk, at least I’m not driving.” The woman, perhaps to prove she wasn’t kidding about being drunk, vomited on the floor.

Take Your Burrito Back!

Sunday, May 19, 4:30 a.m.: IVFP officers patrolling the 800 block of Embarcadero Del Norte saw a 24-year-old man sitting in front of Freebirds with his “legs stretched out into the roadway.”

The man was vomiting in the gutter. He seemed dazed and did not appear to notice the officers approaching him.

He vomited once more, at which point the officers arrested him for public intoxication.

F.T. or Jail: The Lesser of the Two Evils

Saturday, May 18, 12:45 a.m.: IVFP officers patrolling the 6600 block of Sabado Tarde Road saw a 20-year-old woman swaying and “reacting slowly to passing vehicles.”

The officers recorded observations of watery eyes, a strong odor of alcohol on her person, slurred speech and unsteady balance. From these observations the deputies concluded that the woman was drunk.

She told the officers she was going to “F.T.” However, the woman was headed in the wrong direction. The officers then really threw her off course from her Francisco Torres destination by booking her into Santa Barbara County Jail for public intoxication.

Too Sexy For This Shirt

Friday, May 17, 12:30 a.m.: IVFP officers patrolling the 6700 block of Sabado Tarde saw a 21-year-old man standing in the middle of the street with his shirt off. That’s not a crime, but it did draw the attention of the deputies.

Officers approached the man, who they believed was involved in a fight earlier that night. He told the officers he was “just trying to find girls to hook up with.”

The officers noticed the man was drunk and arrested him for public intoxication. He was transported to Santa Barbara County Jail where he had to put his shirt back on.

– Ladan Moeenziai