My house was invaded by a spy in the form of a small dog. The miniature schnauzer of unknown name and no doubt neferious intentions, ninjaed his way through the front door and attempted to assassinate the weatherpet. She was dressed in the uniform of her evil clan: a pink neckerchief. Disaster was averted. She was quickly tamed through Crocodile Dundee-esque mesmerism and carne-asada.

Monday’s Forecast: Security has been reinforced, send as many schnauzers you like.