Editor’s Note: This story is from the April Fool’s issue of the Daily Nexus.

I understand that security is a big issue since the Sept. 11 attacks, but did UCSB really have to install cameras in all the bathrooms around campus? Cameras were set up over Spring Break in facing corners of most crappers, and some are submerged underwater. I noticed the other day when I was dropping the kids off and heard a muffled mechanical sound from below. Those assholes!!! The idea that someone is watching me when I shit is constipating. These cameras are nothing more than a plan by the university to extend authoritative reach up student ass. The man is squatting all over our rights. All this will do is shit on tardy students, cokeheads, smokers, masturbaters and people who respond to stall scrawling, not terrorists. Terrorists don’t plan in the john! This is foul.

Phil Leak