Oh, are we sadly mistaken.
The story behind the picture behind the feature photo “Nothing to See Here Folks,” (Daily Nexus, March 4):
Local hero, model American, blossoming superstar Sam Ferguson, a UCSB black studies major, saved hundreds of thousands of dollars in property and possibly a few lives. Hanging out at a friend’s house nearby, Hero Ferguson noticed black smoke billowing nearby. The quick-witted Hero Ferguson immediately recognized that such smoke was not the standard barbecue-gone-wrong smoke but a something-and-someone-in-danger smoke.
Dashing, daring, brave – three words that describe our handsome Hero Ferguson’s next moves. Running the couple of houses over only to see girls with hands on their faces yelling “Oh, my God” and dudes with reddish eyes staring blankly into space with jaws dropped, Hero Ferguson jumped into action. He climbed a side fence with a weak garden hose to wage an insurmountable battle with the growing flames on the balcony. Luckily, some neighbors jumped into action and brought our Man of the Year Ferguson two fire extinguishers.
As the glass screen door exploded, dangerously spewing shrapnel toward those in harm’s way, Hero Ferguson stood strong. As firemen and emergency personnel dallied and frolicked in the streets of I.V., the wondrous Hero Ferguson tamed the once strong flames. When the contracted heroes arrived, the real hero had already humbly vanished into the shadows of I.V. Property saved, lives changed and a job well done – a day in the life of Sam Ferguson.
The man is a hero and should be hoisted atop our shoulders. Praise to my hero, the amazing, daring, bold, handsome and somehow still single Sam Ferguson.
Harry D. Rowland is a mechanical engineering major and merely a lucky roommate and friend of the wondrous one.