There is no polite way to tell someone their stench is suffocating.

That is why I spent two hours inhaling “Eau de Meathead:” a pungent combination of Cool Water and Speedstick, applied with little subtlety. While it may attract the meathead’s drunken mates on weekends, it burned away the epithelial lining of my respiratory system today.

Wednesday’s Forecast: Clouds of perfume permeating precious pores.