To All the Contra Fans In the House

I’m terribly disappointed with the camera resolution on the latest war.

CNN footage looked like a close-up shot of slowing elephant dung.

For the billions we drop in defense, we deserve satellite close-ups, not Dumbo droppings.

I’ve found Nintendo’s 1988 video games classic Contra much more realistic.

Remember:

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, b, a, select, start.

Tuesday’s forecast: 50 lives – oh yeah.