There is nothing quite like the NFL Draft. Fans from across the country attend the event or watch it on the tube, eagerly waiting to see the newest addition to their favorite team. But then a funny thing happens. The fans sit and wait. And they wait, and they wait.

Unlike the NBA Draft, which is a nip-and-tuck two-hour affair, the NFL Draft is spread over two unbearable days. Most of the ridiculous length comes from the first round, when teams are given 15 minutes to make their selection, even the team with the first pick. Now, one must realize that this team (usually the San Diego Chargers) has the entire offseason to make its choice, so doesn’t it seem odd that the #1 selection is made only after the entire 15 minutes are up?

After the first pick is out of the way, the other teams seem intent on using their entire 15 minutes as well, making the first round drag on, sometimes for up to four hours. Of course, fans are led to believe that in the “war rooms,” where team officials huddle to make decisions, there is a whirlwind of action, with teams fielding last-second calls about possible trades. Too bad that while all this “action” is occurring, fans are left to sit and wait, knowing nothing about what is actually gong on.

The second day of the draft is when things reach a ludicrous level, as the final four rounds are completed. Mercifully, teams are no longer given 15 minutes to make their selection, but that’s because by this time the talent is so depleted that picking a player usually amounts to guesswork. Now, there have been many outstanding players to come out of the late rounds, most notably Terrell Davis, Olandis Gary and Shannon Sharpe (all chosen by the Denver Broncos), but for the most part, who the hell cares?

So, with the NFL Draft rapidly approaching, I will save fans hours of boredom by doing my best impression of NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue, who will say: “With the first pick in the NFL Draft, the San Diego Chargers select quarterback Michael Vick, Virginia Tech University.”

After that, there will be a repeated 15 minutes of silence, and fans will wait, and wait and wait.