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Freshman Lauded as “Hall Genius” After Repeatedly Revealing ACT Score and High School GPA to His Floormates

  Lately, word has gotten around about so-called FSSP “Hall Genius,” Albert C. Todd, romping the halls of  San Nicolas.  “Yeah, we were just playing truth or dare… and drinking,” whis...
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Breaking: The Boys’ Fat Clouds Cause of I.V. Summer Fog

ISLA VISTA, Calif. – After weeks of research conducted by UCSB’s Department of Environmental Studies, scientists have finally been able to pinpoint the cause of Isla Vista’s unusually foggy summ...
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Oops! Barefoot Granola Girl Gets Broken Glass in Toe While Walking in I.V.

  Medics were called early this week to the aid of third-year Gabby Trinkino, whose bloodied foot was hard to ignore by many who passed her by on Pardall.  Trinkino, an environmental studies maj...
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In Photos | Newest I.V. Food Stand Hops Between Del Playa Houses

Muñoz works the stand along with his nephew and his friend, preferring to maintain a small team in order to ensure quality of the food he serves.
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Friends Discover Housemate’s Inability To Clean Result of Dad’s Multimillion Dollar Company

Fourth years Elijah Borf and Daniel Rodriguez discovered this week that friend and housemate Ethan Roberts actually has a pretty fucking rich dad. This discovery ties a lot of loose ends together for ...
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Breaking News: Freshman Girl to Have Fairy Lights, Photo of Boyfriend

The photo in question, which Romero will point to when referencing her boyfriend and telling new roommates and friends that she already has one, will be a printed photo from Snapchat.
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Despite Contradicting Claims, Student Really Just Watched Netflix All Summer

“Oh, this summer’s going to be an absolute movieeeeeeee! The time of our lives!”
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Disney Announces Construction of Space Mountain Roller Coaster Atop Mauna Kea

Following protests over the construction of the Thirty Meter Telescope on the slopes of Mauna Kea in Hawaii, Disney® Resorts has announced construction plans for a new Space Mountain™-themed roller...
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Friend Somehow Just Has All the Internships?

Breaking: It has recently dawned on incoming junior Marissa Torrez that close friend and housemate Alexandra Lee manages each year to somehow have all the internships.  Amidst many Facebook posts voi...
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In Photos | Santa Barbara Mourns Victims of Gilroy, El Paso and Dayton Mass Shootings

On Monday, Santa Barbara County residents gathered in eastside Santa Barbara to mourn the lives lost in the three mass shootings that happened last week.
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Majority of UCSB Emails Now Phishing Scams

  This just in: UCSB’s automated email-delivery service has recently broken a new record! It has been revealed that — for the first time — phishing scams now make up the majority of the not...
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UCSB Goes D-1 in Gaucho Ball

  First things first: it’s Gaucho Ball, not “Rage Cage” — show some school pride for crying out loud. Second things second: UCSB has officially qualified as Division 1 in our sacred drink...
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Tribute to Robert Frost


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UCSB Campus Bathrooms: Ranked

Summer school means that I take a lot of shits on campus, because I don’t have time to go home between classes, work and my internship. Therefore, I’ve compiled a list of the best and the worst re...
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Wild West Summer Sessions: Lone Tumbleweed Drifts Through Streets of I.V.

  In a recent report released by whatever lonely researchers are still on campus during summer sessions, it has been revealed that the incidence of lone tumbleweeds drifting through the streets o...
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