With rush week recently over and pledge season swinging into full effect, many have found themselves without a brotherhood to call their own. Here’s a list of the five stages of grief you bidless Chads, Brads and Thads will likely find yourself grappling with.
On your fruitless walk back from the SRB after being told you have no bid, you might find yourself thinking something along the lines of “there’s no way this is happening” or “there must have been a mistake.” This is a common defense mechanism that shields the victim from realizing he won’t have anyone to oil him down as he gets a pump in at the MAC.
As the painful reality of your stinging rejection begins to settle in, anger takes the place of denial. Your first instinct is to call your daddy and tell him to talk to his connections; you must resist this temptation! A much better use of your time is to get fucked up, drag your knuckles on over to DP and approach as many girls as you can until you get bored enough to go home and rub one out.
Next comes the attempted negotiations as well as an obsession with hypotheticals. You may find yourself praying to God, begging him to enact a miracle.
“Please, God. If you just get me into Sigma Tau Delta, I promise I’ll stop putting Matthew McConaughey, Ryan Lochte and Jordan Belfort above you.”
At the same time, the “if only” statements begin to occupy your mind, repeating on an endless loop.
“If only I wore my Steph Curry jersey and matching Sperrys to Sig Mu on Thursday. If only I mentioned that my grandpa used to know Ronald Reagan. If only I studied the Greek alphabet just a little longer on Sunday.”
At this point, you will find yourself in a dark place. Cheap beer has lost its taste, Dan Bilzerian’s Instagram doesn’t have the same allure and even Lil Yachty’s carefully crafted bars on “Broccoli” can’t cheer you up. The mere thought of Vineyard Vines makes you want to cry, and you can’t help but wince every time you hear the phrase “send it.”
While the emptiness in your heart will never truly be filled, you muster up the courage to accept your current situation. You realize you must take your place among the cold-blooded hordes of fratless bros who troll up and down the streets of I.V. looking for any party that will take them in.
In the meantime, keep your head high. You can always rush in the spring.
Brian Byrne is a first-year who will not be rushing in the spring.