Between the Super Bowl, Valentine’s Day and all the midterms scattered around them, I bet you thought you’d be able to return to your normal schedule: one part class to two parts studying to five parts alcohol. Wrong-o. Just like Mr. Shu uncomfortably crossing the student-teacher boundary, the Olympics will predictably sneak up behind you and bite you in the butt.

What? The Olympics? Didn’t we just do this crap? Yes, my astute friend, we did. Now despite my original skepticism at any Olympics that by nature has an offensive lack of Speedos — and my lack of faith in Canada in general — I was pumped for this year’s Olympic games. Snowboarding? I’m so down! Twirling pansies in sequins? Sign me up! Apollo Anton Ohno? Break me off a piece of that!

There’s a reason why nobody prefers the Winter Olympics over the summer ones — you see one person ski, you’ve seen ’em all. Let’s say you start out watching a cross-country race or curling match. Halfway through, you realize the commentators are spending most of their time talking about the weather rather than the athletes, and next thing you know, all you can think about is how cold it looks in Vancouver and how glad you are you live in sunny Isla Vista.

But just like a train wreck (or Snooki Polizzi), when the Olympics are on, you can’t look away. Well, maybe that’s because when the Olympics are on, NOTHING ELSE IS. Okay, “Lost” and “24” are on, but those shows are so two seasons ago. We might as well be living in a police state, considering when it’s time to support our country through the telly, we don’t have any other viewing options.

While I do always look forward to seeing Bob Costas and his snazzy outfits, I have to admit, it’s the sob stories that sucker me in. Those montages with all the intense training, sweeping views of the hometown and ridiculous close-ups on the eyes lure me in like “House” to a racial slur. When that adorable Chinese couple won the gold and teared up, I teared up, too. When those Korean guys knocked each other out and cleared the way for American medals in the men’s 1500-m speed-skating race, I screamed at the TV just like the rest of you.

And this got me thinking. The real reason why we all love and will watch the Olympics no matter what is because when your country wins, we all win. Obvious, I know, but there’s something wonderful about winning a competition without leaving your couch. And it’s quite satisfying to know that even though you may be lazy and a complete failure to your loved ones, there are people in this country and the world who have dreams and goals and… all that.

Sigh. Darn you, NBC. Instead of partying, I spent my Saturday night wishing I had some McNuggets and googling why figure skaters don’t get dizzy when they spin.

…It’s ’cause they are desensitized to the feeling, by the way. Woah.