The Bowl Championship Series is to college football what the Los Angeles Clippers are to the NBA. They are both are joke, and need to be replaced quickly, before the Cincinnati Bengals defect to the collegiate level.

This is the year the BCS will fail after getting lucky the past two years with clear-cut contenders glittering in the limelight. Oklahoma is without question the top team in the nation. But who will it face for the national championship in the Orange Bowl? And what happens if Oklahoma loses in the Big 12 showdown to Kansas State?

Anarchy will consume the rivers and valleys of our nation. Looters will parade every street corner. We might even have a president in office.

Nevermind that the race for second place is more topsy-turvy than Porky Pig trying to critique John Donne’s poetry. If the Sooners fall, six teams will finish their seasons with only one blemish on their record: Miami, Florida State, Washington, Oregon State and Virginia Tech will all clamor for a shot at the national championship.

But my biggest beef in this whole BCS circus act is that Miami, #2 in both The Associated Press and the USA Today/ESPN polls, has been losing ground every week with Florida State in the top matchup of the Orange Bowl, despite beating the Seminoles 27-24 on Oct. 7.

Miami probably deserves a shot at the title game, yet the Canes lost to Washington, who also nipped Oregon State. You’ve got more possibilities than there are tight-fitting clothes in Britney Spears’ wardrobe.

My second big beef is with the snubbing of Oregon State. The entire Pac-10, which has never received an at-large bid under the BCS, is threatening to leave the BCS if the Beavers don’t qualify for the Fiesta Bowl, one of the top four draws. The conference’s anger is legitimate: West Coast programs should not suffer at the hands of a computer regurgitating statistics based on judgments from eight unqualified newspapers and statisticians, including the Dunkel Index and the New York Times.

The BCS is composed of eight computer results joining sweaty palms in an arithmetic powwow to spit out one list of the “best” football teams in the nation. Numbers can only take you so far. In a race this close, computers cannot undisputedly reveal who is the winner (sound familiar, Florida?).

The BCS must be terminated. In its place there must either be a coaches and ex-players poll that would allow those closest to the game to decide who is the best, or an eight-team playoff format. Something’s got to give.

At least Sam Houston Institute of Technology isn’t in the middle of this BCS logjam. Who knows what kind of S.H.I.T. would go down?

Eliav Appelbaum is the Daily Nexus sports editor and feels fortunate not to be enrolled in S.H.I.T.