Nexustentialism
Well shit! My tummy just rumbled — a foreboding sign that the quest to the dining hall is soon to come. We’ve all dealt with the annoying inconveniences of the dining hall, from not being able to ...
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What a treat! Now, as you attempt to cope with the unbearable weight of the seventeen assignments you procrastinated atop your shoulders on a daunting Monday eve, you can think about two ghosts holdin...
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Perhaps the only fan of Isla Vista’s horse-mounted officers, UCSB’s own horse girl, Filly Gelding, revels in anticipation to hear the clip-clop of hooves against the pavement each year.
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Try not to stare. Stare anyway. Who cares? Everyone’s focusing on their own bike, listening to music and attempting not to crash. The eyes. The hair. The way their legs … move? They kind of pedal ...
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Snag exists to serve the Isla Vista community,” Brohanski shouted (we’re not really sure why he was shouting). “And, frankly, the Isla Vista community is kind of a bunch of alcoholics with a stu...
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That’s right. Say goodbye to your favorite stinky puddle, to those mysterious, murky depths, beckoning … calling for you … yes … come closer … dip a toe in… No! No longer!
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Tricycles always have the right of way. Because they’re so little and adorable, UCSB students always let the gaggle of toddlers who ride their tricycles go by first since they have to go home from d...
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What upsets Alex the most are the repeated attacks on his character and references to his genitals. “They always say I’m hard."
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Dedicated to that one rock by the Arbor and some tree that looks like all of the other trees on campus, the new sides of the library have already made an impact on student life.
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“I’m totally gonna miss getting sucked off in the lib,” said some guy who has definitely never gotten sucked off in the lib.
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For this apparent flatulence fiend terrorizing Girvetz 2115, sphincter control appears to have been an oversight in the shift from online classes.
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Hopefully this guide has illustrated the slight, but crucial differences between a post-quarantine slip-up and being an inherent fuck-up! Now go out there, have fun, and be safe! Or don’t, because y...
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“We’re so excited about the opportunity of having a baker’s dozen students in one dorm,” the Director of Student Friendship Susan Poleman told Nexustentialism.
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With our return to in-person instruction, we all know we are bound to see that one bitch that can make our blood run cold and boil simultaneously.
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Patients at Cottage reportedly enjoy the new bunk bed experience. In addition to inter-patient intercourse skyrocketing 76%, patient morale seems to have been boosted by the new project as well.
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Command + F (find and replace)
Command + N (new window for your Wikipedia deep-dive)
Command + C (copy and paste life)
Command + W (close it down, simply don't look at it anymore)
Command + B (bold and beautiful)
Shift + Command + 4 (screenshot ... collect those receipts)
Command + X (cut it out)
Command + Z (undo AKA un-fuck)
Command + Delete (delete everything to the left of the cursor because you fucked up)
Command + Shift + N (open a new private window ... for no reason at all)
Command + K (hyperlink some sexy sources)
Command + P (print because you gotta print a lot if you cry a lot)
