Nexustentialism

Freshman Returns Home for Summer, Is Terrible

Thanks to three quarters of undergrad, Nelson claims to have learned much on topics ranging from plate tectonics and statistics to Jägermeister, marijuana and having sex all the time.
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PETA Mistakes Freebirds for Poultry Activism Group, Backpedals After Seeing Nachos

Earlier this year, the group publicly endorsed the restaurant for its “pro-bird activism,” despite the fact that no member had set foot inside the establishment.
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Clinton, Sanders Drop Out of Race, Chancellor Yang Set To Run

A regular superhero, Yang plans to fulfill his duties as chancellor for the remainder of the year while simultaneously running a full-fledged campaign.
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Haikus to Student Health

A series of Haikus dedicated to the unique experience of going to Student Health.
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Quiz: Which UCSB Lecture Hall Are You?

Now you can sort everyone into a new set of arbitrary labels to your heart’s content.
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New Starbucks in the UCen: Proposed UCSB-Themed Secret Menu

With a new Starbucks location coming to the UCSB campus, it's time to take a look at some proposed off-the-menu options.
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Friday the 13th Is Coming For You

Inescapable curses await you if you dare to step outside today.
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To Taste Portola: A Flavorscape

This week in the review that no one asked for, I will be analyzing the flavorscape of UCSB’s infamous dining common, Portola.
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Sorority Sally vs. Frat Phil: Top Netflix Picks for Every Sitch

We dive all up in our young Netflix queues to give you some fiery suggestions for all your basic lit-uations.
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Kardashians Spell Doom for Democracy, Says Professor

He decided that America had failed him and that the American political system was so overrun by E! News and Bravo that there was no chance for it to ever be resurrected.
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Make it Through Midterms with Minimal Misery

Midterm season never ends, so why should your suffering?
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President Trump Implements Project to ‘Make Isla Vista Great Again’

Local residents were graced with the presence of President Trump when he stopped as part of his multi-step program, “Make Isla Vista Great Again.”
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Lecture Survival Tips: How To Stay Awake in Class

Soon you’ll be fending off so many stress dreams that you won’t even want to fall asleep!
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Broke Students Say ‘F*$& $500 GA passes,’ Hold Libchella on Davidson Lawn

"I can’t event tell the difference between Libchella and the real thing when scrolling through my Instagram feed."
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Student Passes Arbor Unscathed, but at Great Cost

Yesterday a student reportedly made it through the Arbor without a single organization trying to persuade him towards their cause. Yet, while this may appear to be every Gaucho's dream, it was this s...
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