Nexustentialism

Report: Snoop Dogg, Rick Astley Among Future Nobel Laureates

“Dogg consumes so much hash that he is the physical manifestation of peace."
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QUIZ: When Will You Peak?

After you hit that point, it’s pretty much all downhill from there. Take this incredibly important and accurate test to figure out the trajectory of your life so you can plan accordingly.
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The Essential Isla Vista Fashion Guide

Most seasoned Gauchos have learned these lessons the hard way, but even the most experienced partiers can learn from these useful tips for getting ready before your next rager.
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Freshman Still Circling Roundabout 3 Weeks Later

“Eh, I think I’ll just take a couple more laps to be safe, those bikers really come out of nowhere.”
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A Philosophical Reading of The Kardashians

Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, and Kapitalism: a klose konceptual look at important social issues, addressed by the foremost thinkers of our time.
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Left or Right, Get Hammered Tonight: A Presidential Debate Drinking Game

If global warming isn't real, neither is alcohol poisoning.
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What Does Your Lecture Hall Seat Say About You?

You can tell a lot about a person from their official unassigned spot.
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Summer Tour Guide Spotted Still Walking Backward

Greyson Phillips has not stopped walking backward since his last University-sanctioned campus tour well over a month ago.
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Beating Festival FOMO: 8 New Events Selling Overpriced Day Passes

For those of you who missed Coachella, you may have experienced a bout of FOMO, or the “fear of missing out.”
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Professor Creates Add Code Competition, Mass Casualties Ensue

The competition consists of four stages: a chariot race, a steel cage wrestling match, jousting, and finally a multiple choice exam.
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Unsure Student Desperately Searches for Confirmation They’re in Correct Classroom

"If someone in front of me could pull up their G.O.L.D. or write the class title on the top of their page, I would feel a lot better right now."
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Sorority Sally Goes 2 Weeks Without Social Media, Narrowly Survives

Day 3: Have re-activated Facebook accidentally through Spotify. The whole chapter has been fined for my negligence, and my Spotify privileges have been revoked.
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Week of Welcome Events That Didn’t Wow

Llamas & Lupus, Chips for Lips, and Moonlight Milk are all bygone welcome events that have come and gone on campus.
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How to Speak UCSB in 6 Easy Steps

When you go to the library, tell your friends you’re, “going to the lib.” If you want to initiate a fist bump, yell, “fist me, bro!”
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Mattress Theft On the Rise as The Chainsmokers Glorify Being an Asshole to Your Roommate

One victim of theft reported "the worst part is she took the sheets, too, and I bet she doesn't even keep them pulled over the corners."
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