Sam Rankin / Daily Nexus

Viral genomes aren’t the only things rapidly evolving these days! Come take a look at an all-new line of never-before-seen Pandemic-mon, a legally distinct brand of pocket-sized fighting monsters!

Sam Rankin / Daily Nexus

Without further ado, we would like to introduce our three pestilence-prone pocket-sized monsters: Masqi, Shelltor and Kroniv.

Sam Rankin / Daily Nexus

Masqi – Did someone say bird flu? Not for this masked avian friend. Masqui always keeps a mask on to ensure it is protected from bacteria, viruses and government facial recognition software. You can never be too careful.

Sam Rankin / Daily Nexus

Shelltor – This Pokámon has only rarely been observed outside of its shell. It stays inside for days on end, probably playing video games and smoking weed, which as it turns out is currently considered a responsible course of action. Good luck when this is all over though, buddy.

Sam Rankin / Daily Nexus

Kroniv – This Pokámon is known for its ability to quickly multiply in numbers. Kronivs can double their population size in only a few hours – even fewer if they’re surrounded by idiots who don’t wash their hands.

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Max Myszkowski
Max Myszkowski is a fourth-year chemistry major who has an unhealthy obsession with Storke Tower and currently serves as the editor of Nexustentialism. He is illiterate.