Ever heard the expression, “The harder you have to work for it, the better it is”? Well, this is the message I want to shout from every rooftop to all of womankind.

According to a study, as cited by the online medical source WebMD, 10 percent of women have never had an orgasm, either with a partner or during masturbation. If you are one of these women, it is likely that either psychological inhibitions are cock-blocking your climax or a lack of personal exploration has rendered you naive to the rush of joyful potential tucked between your legs. With a little faith and a lot of practice, every woman in America can shout out on a regular basis, “Yes we can come!”

[media-credit name=”Kiki Niebhur” align=”alignleft” width=”250″][/media-credit]It is first important that every woman know that men want to make you come. It isn’t a nuisance or a distraction; it is sexy and fulfilling for both parties. The female orgasm has long been treated like the mystical stone hidden in the “Temple of Doom.” Does the g-spot exist? Can squirting be controlled? Why is the bitch next door having multiple orgasms when I’m dry as a desert? The reason why female ejaculation is so veiled with myth and wonder is because it’s often the blind leading the blind down there. Men are desperately clawing away at and rubbing their faces in territories that women have not fully staked their claim in.

Probably the most common issue a woman will have with reaching orgasm is feeling guilty or self-conscious that she is taking too long to come, which is why women fake orgasms so often. Yes, it’s true — women fake it constantly. There is a certain point when we feel awkward and exposed and just want to move on and give the guy his satisfaction. If you want the woman you are pleasuring to actually get where you want her to go, you need to remind her that you love making her come and you have all night (or all afternoon) to make sure that happens for real. If she feels comfortable, relaxed and not pressured, the chances of her breaking out into an acted scene of moaning and panting out of sheer frustration will go way down. Keep in mind that the average woman will take 15 to 40 minutes to reach orgasm, so if you want to see toe-curling results, you’re going to have to put in the time.

It’s called “achieving orgasm” for a reason. I feel like giving a guy a gold star if he can actually push me across the finish line, particularly due to the fact that the majority of women don’t orgasm from penile penetration. When a guy is like, “Come with me,” I’m like, “Listen honey, you have to hold it in so you don’t explode too early — I’m just warming up the engine here.” Additionally, more women are able to orgasm with a regular sexual partner, which is clearly because each woman’s body is different and one must learn the specific touches, strokes and licks each vulva responds to. This is partially why it is difficult to give general advice about making a woman come, but I’ll give it a shot.

Think of the clit as a penis that stopped growing. It is all the sensation of your tip, packed into a pin-sized ball of wildly sensitive nerve endings. The clit is covered up by a hood, which should be slightly pulled back, up or apart to expose the part most sensitive to touch. Girls, if you aren’t quite sure what I’m talking about, you need to go to your make-up bag right now, (unless you’re reading this in class) take out your compact and look at your clit. You need to see what he sees when he’s working his ass off trying to make you scream.

Not that you guys want to think about what it would be like to suck on your own dick, but think of it as if you were sucking on your own dick. The clit has a shaft just like yours that should be licked from base to top and a tip that should be sucked on, played with, flicked with your tongue and lubricated. If she’s not giving you verbal instruction or moaning nudges, it’s perfectly okay and welcomed to ask her how hard she wants it and how fast she needs it, even to point to the exact spot that sends her rocket flying into space.

If she does respond to internal stimulation, enter her simultaneously with your fingers or your penis. Push down below her belly button when you’re on top to push her clit onto your shaft while you’re thrusting or massage her clit while she’s riding you on top. Also, try fucking her externally by moving your member up and down her clit instead of in and out. And remember that, although once a man is in the end zone and is headed for touchdown whether he’s ready or not, women can easily retract from their point of no return. Keep it steady and constant all the way through or all your hard work may just go to waste.

Women, just stay relaxed and enjoy something you definitely shouldn’t feel bad about; and men, R.S.V.P. her clit for the night. Together, we can make this world a more equally pleasured place.