Some people just can’t take a joke. Luckily, there is a cure for this. The cure goes by many names, but all fall within the category of psychedelics. If a hundred idiots all agree that a falsehood is truth, does this make it so? No, it does not. This is the concept of “consensus reality,” and any person who has tried a psychedelic drug is already intuitively aware of it.

Taking magic mushrooms, acid or DMT is sure to replace any false paradigm within the user’s mind with some semblance of a personal truth. For the person with a chill, flexible personality, this transformation will manifest as something close to divine inspiration. For the cold, stiff douchebag personality, this transformation will certainly be unpleasant, and may manifest as insanity. Luckily, if you’re not a douchebag, you will be fine. And if by chance you are, I really don’t give a shit what happens to you.

Political correctness is the essence of a false paradigm.

“Let’s all agree to avoid controversy because we’re too ‘pussified’ to deal with any challenging topic of conversation!”

Yeah, fuck that.

Real, accepting people don’t steer clear of emotionally-charged language — they attack it with a fearless attitude and effectively dissolve any antagonism by replacing it with humor. Real nonracists don’t have white guilt — they have human pride.

Although there is no evidence to prove that the English author Lewis Carroll actually took psychedelic drugs, his book Through the Looking Glass illustrates many of the “flexifying” concepts that psychedelic drugs bring to light in the mind of the user. Alice, as she confronts various fantastic characters during her journey through Wonderland, eventually confronts the fragile egg-man, Humpty Dumpty. Humpty Dumpty shows Alice by means of a confusing and twisted conversation that she is an idiot to believe that a word has only one meaning. When Alice completely confuses Humpty Dumpty’s meaning, he sets her aright: “When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less.”

If I had any actual antagonism toward those humans among us who have genetic disabilities, then I’d be a real asshole. Moreover, if I were to proclaim such awful prejudices in a publicly read column, I’d be an idiot, too. When I use a word, it means exactly what I mean it to. When I use the word “cunt,” I am referring to a police officer. When I use the word “retard,” I am referring to Congressmen, not fellow human beings endowed with Down syndrome. If some other person decides to interpret my words as his/her own, stick-up-the-ass fashion, it is his/her problem, not mine.

Our beloved college newspaper has featured several editorial pieces lately arguing the existence of God. Most of these editorials have begun with the assumption that God is a solid idea that can be proven or disproven. This assumption comes from the centuries of proselytizing by the Roman Catholic Church and various other religious zealots who took their idea from powerful priests reading Biblical scripture for purposes of control. What these editorials have failed to acknowledge is that God is only a word, and it is a word that has no true definition.
You can go by a definition of God that was handed to you by an idiot and go through life feeling confused and divided, or you can disregard the ignorance of the idiot and define the word yourself. It is psychedelic drugs that finally persuaded me toward the divine liberation of the latter course. Do you feel a power around you that is greater than yourself? Today, I do, and magic mushrooms led me to realize it. You may feel likewise, or may not, but I guarantee that if you truly seek the truth of the universe then psychedelics will help you realize something similar.

Magic mushrooms can turn an atheist into a free-spirited religious scholar. LSD can turn a depressed recluse into a joyous and eccentric character, which in my mind is a terrific improvement. DMT can induce the world’s strictest skeptic to doubt his own doubt. Sometimes a skeptic does not doubt from intelligence, he doubts because he is using an idiot’s definition to describe the majesty of the cosmos.

There is a higher power, and that higher power has a wonderful sense of humor. Just look at the platypus. That higher power loves you. Just look into the eyes of your family and loved ones. If we were indeed made in God’s image, then every single human being on planet earth is capable and authorized to define God as they see fit. I represent myself, therefore, I represent God. If that sentence makes you angry, then shut the fuck up and go take some acid.