Sorority Sisters Get Coked Out, Nailed in Mexico
TIJUANA, MEXICO – Mexican Special Forces apprehended four members of UCSB’s Delta Mu sorority this past weekend for their alleged involvement in the trafficking of cocaine into the United States.
Psychotic Crank Busts Pygmy Lair
Last night, university maintenance staff cleaning the second floor of Girvetz Hall heard strange noises emanating from behind a small door with the words ‘Pygmy Studies’ written above it.
Yang Carted Off to Pokey
The Santa Barbara County Sheriff’s Dept. took the man UCSB students have come to know as Chancellor Henry T. Yang into custody last night after receiving an anonymous tip suggesting that Yang was not who he claimed to be.
A.S. Meets for Eight Hours
Minutes before the Associated Students Legislative Council meeting was set to end, members of Don’t Cut Us Out – a coalition of students fighting the administrative tax on non-state funded entities – stormed in with news about the tax during last night’s prolonged eight-hour meeting.
Corpse
The body of a student was found inbetween the Pardall fences yesterday. Authorities believe the deceased was a drunken reveller who could not find his way out.
Poetry From the Bottom
The Plight of the Plover By Travis Miller Sitting in the sand, Not a care in the world, except Of course, than their imminent extinction. Watching the waves crash, they stay and the Young plovers play. (This space represents a world without plovers) Please don’t walk too close, the Lovely docents say. Oh, but how […]